The Modern Adoptive Mummy

I mentioned many, many posts back how being childless haunted me almost nightly to the point of often not getting to sleep without reprimanding my useless body and blaming myself. Now that hour has been replaced by several other fears. My biggest fear: That suddenly the birth parent will launch an appeal and that despite all evidence against them as a parent, the courts decide to grant the appeal- and this happens during matching on the way to panel or after placement. It can happen- they can be taken away/ the adoption can stop or be delayed. A family member can come out of the woodwork, an absent father, an aunt, anyone related...they can suddenly ask to take on the child/ children and this can mean a huge hold up in proceedings whilst they are assessed and it can mean that they are removed from your care if the courts find them worthy. This is a pain I live in fear of happening. It isn't the norm within  the adoption process but it can happen. The children are never yours an

It seems we have come almost full circle. when we were with no hope of children, we filled our lives with things- I have mentioned the shopping and filling our lives with purchases that, to be honest, were not really needed...well we are back on the shopping again! This time, not for us- well it is as it makes us happy- but technically everything is for Holmes and Watson! The day we got the call to say they were moving forward with us (after the home visit) we both felt the impulsive need to celebrate and do something wildly decadent and forbidden...so we went to Toys R us and bought things! I know, disgustingly decadent and impulsive- we should be ashamed of the new addiction! We came home with some bath toys and a car race track (which Spike was obsessed with!). It felt  good! A seal had broken to an uncharted world and despite telling ourselves to stop- we couldn't! Shopping became a way to deal with the awful waiting- and I can tell you this drawn out process is draining-

...So my Social worker turned up for the matching matrix meeting- a fair drive for her- to find out it had to be cancelled. Sudden clashing dates or something along those lines meant that it couldn't go ahead. this meant that their meeting was moved to the date of our child appreciation day instead...so our child appreciation day was moved to 3 weeks later (nearly another month gone). This was pretty devastating. I was sat outside a pub in Disneyland Paris with my work colleagues, having a sneaky beer in beautiful sunshine and generally having a most wonderful time. It was like a little black cloud suddenly descended as I read the email. It seemed a real juxtaposition in life- there I was sitting in a place built for children's dreams and my dreams of children were being pushed further back.  The only consolation was that another DVD and some photos had been handed over so at least we could see what they looked like now. We had geared up for this day, really looked forward

Okay- not hideous, but I wanted an alliterative title! Hold ups all the same though! I am told, that on average, from initial match to matching panel takes 8-10 weeks- oh if only! Matched in May- still not through the process in August... Nothing happened in June, nothing at all- I don't know why but nothing did. It was very frustrating knowing we were going forward but no meetings planned and nothing seemed to be moving forward. We had been warned that the family worker who works in preparing children for placement was only part time and had a large caseload. No one was explaining why this meant the matching meeting and child appreciation day were both set for July and not June- to us it seemed like a whole month wasted, leaving us in limbo, not quite believing it was true.  We received a DVD and some extra photos at this point- a DVD we were not allowed to keep which again was frustrating. I thought I might cry or even both of us might cry when we saw them on the DVD...we

It is safe to say I had steam cleaned almost everything that could be steam cleaned! They were due at 11am and I think we were up till gone midnight and up again at 7am for final hoovering and cooking. I insisted on cooking food- to show that we could cook- obviously- that and  the house would smell more homely. The first hiccup was the cookie dough I bought that wasn't cookie dough at all and actually was more like pain au chocolate dough. So I made those- they didn't work out! They tasted fine but were not impressive in any way! In a panic, Karl went to the shop to buy cookies and biscuits. Next came savoury whirls, mango chutney and cheese and baco bits, Cheese and pesto and Cheese and baco bits...these are always a hit and always turn out well- thankfully after the biscuit-not-biscuit debacle! I had, of course, made far too many (it is fair to say it was pack up for a few days after!). We researched what the meeting might be like- would they fire questions at us? Wou