Introduction days- what we did and how it went!
As said, our introductions were delayed by a few days, so instead of Thursday, they were the following Monday. Four days doesn't seem a lot in the grand scheme of things but after such a long wait those four days seemed liked added torture. We went for our planning meeting as scheduled- only instead of meeting them, we received the adoption placement certificate- which made it really feel official- a piece of paper with a date for placement, certifying us to take these children home. After this meeting, we went home.
We decided to treat ourselves to a blow up home spa that week and thankfully the weather was beautiful on the Sunday so we had a lovely relaxing day in the spa and one evening bubbles and chill time too. We knew we had to deflated it and put it away for the season but it will come out again late spring and by then hopefully the boys will enjoy being in water.
On Monday we made our way to the foster carer's home. I felt sick, I think we both did. We stopped off to get a sandwich at the co-op where I manged to barely eat half of it and dropped most of it in the newly cleaned car! It went in the bin, I was too nervous to eat.
We arrived and the sick feeling was overwhelming- what if they didn't like us? What if they cried and ran from us? We knocked on the door and it was opened and in the front room were two quiet little boys eating their lunch the looked up and said hello but seemed somewhat shell shocked. our dvd was playing on the TV which was surreal. The boys didn't get up and continued eating their lunch. We sat by them and chatted and they interacted a little. It was clear that they were not going to greet us until they had finished lunch- like this was a routine they were used to- occasionally they shouted things excitedly when they sa things on the dvd like 'doggies!' and 'pussy cat!' and 'my bed!'. Once lunch was over I asked them to show my their favourite toy. this livened them up. The two hours were a bit of a blur that involved playing, unexpected cuddles and being fed by them. We left feeling elated and relieved to have finally met them and to have been received well. We were called mummy and daddy straight away which is lovely and very surreal.
We made our way to the hotel and relaxed (especially after realising the hotel had a pool and spa and a quick drive out to buy swimming costumes!).
The nest day we were to visit for six hours- we played in the house and went out for a walk with the foster carers to the park with them. We were left for an hour to play with the boys in the park. It was a little scary being left alone in a place of untold danger with two active little boys! would the fall off something? Would they run away? Would they fight/ argue/ wet themselves/ refuse to do as we say? We notived that we found we were forced into looking after one or the other each and it was clear that they were choosing one of us over the other at this point and also that they didn't want to take part in activities together. Over the course of an hour we tried to encourage play with the four of us and we achieved it somewhat. We all went for lunch and walked back to the foster carers house. It was a successful day, they had both behaved well (apart from a little wobble when leaving the park and refusing to walk for a bit from Holmes). We went home after this (we were doing every other night in the hotel). It was still feeling strange and unreal- like playing make believe with other people's kids who we were borrowing for the day!
The day after we were to take them out all day. We arranged with the foster carers that we would do this in stages otherwise it would be a terribly long time out with them. we arranged to go to a fruit farm and the park and a garden centre with a playground. We got them in the car sets with very little fuss (another small fear as we had been told they struggle getting into the car seats- they were fine). On the drive they were content and pointed out cars. the fruit farm was most disappointing- no animals at all (we were told they had some pigs and rabbits and chickens) and nothing was open except the cafe and the shop. We attempted a cuppa and cake- which was most successful and taught me I need to ask for coffee in takeaway cups as they finish really quickly! They were being placid and compliant (we expect this to change) with regards to having mouths wiped and holding hands. they chose and apple and a pear in the shop to buy (rather surprised and pleased how much they like fruit!). Seeing as we were finished at the fruit farm quicker than expected, we went to the park. they enjoy playing but still obvious they don't play together. After lunch at the foster carers we took them out to the garden centre. This is the same place we saw them when we went for the blind visit. this went well although the train, whist advertised to be working, wasn't and the playground was small so didn't entertain them for long. we went for a snack in the cafe, a look around and finally dinner in the cafe. All went well though it was obvious that Watson was playing Karl up- or rather seeking his attention by constantly asking for the toilet. Most of the time he was messing about and taking Karl for a mug but it was clear that he wanted to feel secure and be with Karl. this allowed me to bond more with Holmes who was not being as demanding. We took them home, bathed them for the first time and put them to bed. All was pretty easy despite being told the don't like baths (Holmes especially). We got back to the hotel totally shattered. entertaining two kids for and entire day, 10 am- 7pm, was exhausting- add on top of that the fear of them running off/ throwing a tantrum in public/ them not knowing or trusting us- it was a huge weight on us to carry. All we could managed to order a sandwich and collapse into bed.
The next day we were at the foster carers for 7.30am to get them up and dressed and make their breakfast. We only got to see them for a couple of hours before we went to a review meeting about the placement. this went very well, everyone was pleased with the progress so far and how well the boys were taking to us. It was agreed that we would continue for placement to be on Monday. We went home and went to see my mum and the dogs (who were staying with mum during this week). We also shopped for their arrival and the next two days when they would come to visit us.
The next day the foster carers drove them to our house for 11am- we were to have them until after dinner time, bath them, put them in pajamas and then drive them back for bed (very odd as it would have been natural to then put them to bed- odd thing to do but I guess the idea was to have us experience a bed time in our house without actually have them stay- I am assuming because the placement was for Monday they were not allowed to stay over until then).
They arrived and were not at all afraid they went straight through to the living room and looked at some toys and seemed pleased to see some of their toys in the room. The foster carers looked round the house with them had a cuppa and left us to it. We had a lovely day, playing in the garden, going to the park and meeting Nanna and the doggies (we felt it best they met the dogs in the park rather than in the house). The dogs and my mum came back to the house for a bit and all was fine- the dogs behaved very well around them and vice versa. Dinner went well and they ate everything (veggie sausage, mash and peas) and bath was fun, with them loving the toys and bubbles. The drive home was quiet where they both fell asleep. it was a lovely day- again all surreal with little ones being live in our house! We stayed over at the hotel again so we were ready to pick them up to take back to ours for the day.
Mum came over for a little bit again so they could have more time in the day with the dogs. We didn't go out at all as we wanted them to spend all the day in the house and garden. The day was again successful, no upsets, we played in the living room and the garden and their bedroom. We took them back for tea time and Watson in particular wanted to stay and asked to sleep here- it was a little heart breaking to have to take them back. It felt that it was going so well that placement should be today- it felt wrong to take them back.
We drove home again that night and all the driving tired me out along with the frustration we both felt that it seemed to right to have let them sleep at ours now- but we had one whole day left before they would come home for good.
The next morning we arrived to take them out for a few hours- this time to a little farm. We had not had time for breakfast so we were keen to get something to eat so took them to the cafe where we realised that ordering our own breakfast plus some side plates is a good idea for the future! we looked and the chickens and pigs about three times around as there really wasn't enough to entertain them between 10am and 2pm! We realised that we would have to find somewhere else to take them which is not easy when you do not know the area at all and anything you look up could be totally rubbish- like the places we had been advised to take them so far! We found a country park that said it had several things for kids but on the way we stumbled upon a steam train- get in! They love trains (anything that moves really) and we like steam trains so this was perfect! We made it just in time to get on the train for a little journey. After this we went to a park near the foster carers and took them back. In the afternoon they were to have a Sunday dinner and time for the foster family to say goodbye.
we planned an afternoon of a late lunch, retail therapy and the spa at the hotel. Unfortunately, just s I was looking for my phone Karl's phone rang- it was my number...I thought I might have left it at the foster carers but it turns out it was at the shop at the railway station! So we had to drive all the way back and lose out on the retail therapy (sorry, Karl!). We did, however, grab lunch and get back for a spa- although further disappointment as the spa was closed and the sauna not on so all we had was the pool. Further disappointment with out evening meal as both were quite disappointing (food had been good so far there). It was sort of sad as we had planned a relaxing afternoon and evening and there were niggles all the way on our last afternoon and evening together.
It was a leisurely morning compared to others as we weren't due to pick them up till 10am- the idea was to have a fairly quick hand over with the social worker for the boys there and straight back to ours. We arrived and the boys were ready to go with just a few things left to put in the car (let me state here that they have so much stuff it was unbelievable! So many toys, most of which they don't use, are broken or just are pretty rubbish- they have been bought a toy each week it seems and they are so overloaded they have no sense of worth with their toys- we have sorted through toys and put many in black sacks for charity, broken ones to throw and still too many in the living room. We plan to pare them down , watching what they actually want and play with and what we can safely give to charity- nothing has been thrown yet but it will be- as soon as we feel safe to make that call).
There was a little sadness from Watson leaving the foster carers and he ran back to give the male foster carer a last hug. we handed over a present and a card for them (a big Yankie Candle and a photo frame) and strapped the boys in. We were impressed with the efficiency from them, not cold by any means as they were clearly upset by the moment, but smooth, encouraging, happy for them and quick. I guess this is the best you can hope for, no over emotional goodbyes to upset them.
the journey home was a little subdued for a bit, especially Watson, which is good as he clearly understoond that he was moving in- he muttered the male foster carers name a couple of times and then halfway through the journey they were both enjoying the music and tapping their feet.
And that was it- visiting time over- we were taking them home to live with us- no more giving them back to sleep, first night in our house, first time we were not in shared parental control with the foster carers (the local authority retain some control over them until we apply for and get the adoption order).
The next step of the journey was about to begin!
We decided to treat ourselves to a blow up home spa that week and thankfully the weather was beautiful on the Sunday so we had a lovely relaxing day in the spa and one evening bubbles and chill time too. We knew we had to deflated it and put it away for the season but it will come out again late spring and by then hopefully the boys will enjoy being in water.
On Monday we made our way to the foster carer's home. I felt sick, I think we both did. We stopped off to get a sandwich at the co-op where I manged to barely eat half of it and dropped most of it in the newly cleaned car! It went in the bin, I was too nervous to eat.
We arrived and the sick feeling was overwhelming- what if they didn't like us? What if they cried and ran from us? We knocked on the door and it was opened and in the front room were two quiet little boys eating their lunch the looked up and said hello but seemed somewhat shell shocked. our dvd was playing on the TV which was surreal. The boys didn't get up and continued eating their lunch. We sat by them and chatted and they interacted a little. It was clear that they were not going to greet us until they had finished lunch- like this was a routine they were used to- occasionally they shouted things excitedly when they sa things on the dvd like 'doggies!' and 'pussy cat!' and 'my bed!'. Once lunch was over I asked them to show my their favourite toy. this livened them up. The two hours were a bit of a blur that involved playing, unexpected cuddles and being fed by them. We left feeling elated and relieved to have finally met them and to have been received well. We were called mummy and daddy straight away which is lovely and very surreal.
We made our way to the hotel and relaxed (especially after realising the hotel had a pool and spa and a quick drive out to buy swimming costumes!).
The nest day we were to visit for six hours- we played in the house and went out for a walk with the foster carers to the park with them. We were left for an hour to play with the boys in the park. It was a little scary being left alone in a place of untold danger with two active little boys! would the fall off something? Would they run away? Would they fight/ argue/ wet themselves/ refuse to do as we say? We notived that we found we were forced into looking after one or the other each and it was clear that they were choosing one of us over the other at this point and also that they didn't want to take part in activities together. Over the course of an hour we tried to encourage play with the four of us and we achieved it somewhat. We all went for lunch and walked back to the foster carers house. It was a successful day, they had both behaved well (apart from a little wobble when leaving the park and refusing to walk for a bit from Holmes). We went home after this (we were doing every other night in the hotel). It was still feeling strange and unreal- like playing make believe with other people's kids who we were borrowing for the day!
The day after we were to take them out all day. We arranged with the foster carers that we would do this in stages otherwise it would be a terribly long time out with them. we arranged to go to a fruit farm and the park and a garden centre with a playground. We got them in the car sets with very little fuss (another small fear as we had been told they struggle getting into the car seats- they were fine). On the drive they were content and pointed out cars. the fruit farm was most disappointing- no animals at all (we were told they had some pigs and rabbits and chickens) and nothing was open except the cafe and the shop. We attempted a cuppa and cake- which was most successful and taught me I need to ask for coffee in takeaway cups as they finish really quickly! They were being placid and compliant (we expect this to change) with regards to having mouths wiped and holding hands. they chose and apple and a pear in the shop to buy (rather surprised and pleased how much they like fruit!). Seeing as we were finished at the fruit farm quicker than expected, we went to the park. they enjoy playing but still obvious they don't play together. After lunch at the foster carers we took them out to the garden centre. This is the same place we saw them when we went for the blind visit. this went well although the train, whist advertised to be working, wasn't and the playground was small so didn't entertain them for long. we went for a snack in the cafe, a look around and finally dinner in the cafe. All went well though it was obvious that Watson was playing Karl up- or rather seeking his attention by constantly asking for the toilet. Most of the time he was messing about and taking Karl for a mug but it was clear that he wanted to feel secure and be with Karl. this allowed me to bond more with Holmes who was not being as demanding. We took them home, bathed them for the first time and put them to bed. All was pretty easy despite being told the don't like baths (Holmes especially). We got back to the hotel totally shattered. entertaining two kids for and entire day, 10 am- 7pm, was exhausting- add on top of that the fear of them running off/ throwing a tantrum in public/ them not knowing or trusting us- it was a huge weight on us to carry. All we could managed to order a sandwich and collapse into bed.
The next day we were at the foster carers for 7.30am to get them up and dressed and make their breakfast. We only got to see them for a couple of hours before we went to a review meeting about the placement. this went very well, everyone was pleased with the progress so far and how well the boys were taking to us. It was agreed that we would continue for placement to be on Monday. We went home and went to see my mum and the dogs (who were staying with mum during this week). We also shopped for their arrival and the next two days when they would come to visit us.
The next day the foster carers drove them to our house for 11am- we were to have them until after dinner time, bath them, put them in pajamas and then drive them back for bed (very odd as it would have been natural to then put them to bed- odd thing to do but I guess the idea was to have us experience a bed time in our house without actually have them stay- I am assuming because the placement was for Monday they were not allowed to stay over until then).
They arrived and were not at all afraid they went straight through to the living room and looked at some toys and seemed pleased to see some of their toys in the room. The foster carers looked round the house with them had a cuppa and left us to it. We had a lovely day, playing in the garden, going to the park and meeting Nanna and the doggies (we felt it best they met the dogs in the park rather than in the house). The dogs and my mum came back to the house for a bit and all was fine- the dogs behaved very well around them and vice versa. Dinner went well and they ate everything (veggie sausage, mash and peas) and bath was fun, with them loving the toys and bubbles. The drive home was quiet where they both fell asleep. it was a lovely day- again all surreal with little ones being live in our house! We stayed over at the hotel again so we were ready to pick them up to take back to ours for the day.
Mum came over for a little bit again so they could have more time in the day with the dogs. We didn't go out at all as we wanted them to spend all the day in the house and garden. The day was again successful, no upsets, we played in the living room and the garden and their bedroom. We took them back for tea time and Watson in particular wanted to stay and asked to sleep here- it was a little heart breaking to have to take them back. It felt that it was going so well that placement should be today- it felt wrong to take them back.
We drove home again that night and all the driving tired me out along with the frustration we both felt that it seemed to right to have let them sleep at ours now- but we had one whole day left before they would come home for good.
The next morning we arrived to take them out for a few hours- this time to a little farm. We had not had time for breakfast so we were keen to get something to eat so took them to the cafe where we realised that ordering our own breakfast plus some side plates is a good idea for the future! we looked and the chickens and pigs about three times around as there really wasn't enough to entertain them between 10am and 2pm! We realised that we would have to find somewhere else to take them which is not easy when you do not know the area at all and anything you look up could be totally rubbish- like the places we had been advised to take them so far! We found a country park that said it had several things for kids but on the way we stumbled upon a steam train- get in! They love trains (anything that moves really) and we like steam trains so this was perfect! We made it just in time to get on the train for a little journey. After this we went to a park near the foster carers and took them back. In the afternoon they were to have a Sunday dinner and time for the foster family to say goodbye.
we planned an afternoon of a late lunch, retail therapy and the spa at the hotel. Unfortunately, just s I was looking for my phone Karl's phone rang- it was my number...I thought I might have left it at the foster carers but it turns out it was at the shop at the railway station! So we had to drive all the way back and lose out on the retail therapy (sorry, Karl!). We did, however, grab lunch and get back for a spa- although further disappointment as the spa was closed and the sauna not on so all we had was the pool. Further disappointment with out evening meal as both were quite disappointing (food had been good so far there). It was sort of sad as we had planned a relaxing afternoon and evening and there were niggles all the way on our last afternoon and evening together.
It was a leisurely morning compared to others as we weren't due to pick them up till 10am- the idea was to have a fairly quick hand over with the social worker for the boys there and straight back to ours. We arrived and the boys were ready to go with just a few things left to put in the car (let me state here that they have so much stuff it was unbelievable! So many toys, most of which they don't use, are broken or just are pretty rubbish- they have been bought a toy each week it seems and they are so overloaded they have no sense of worth with their toys- we have sorted through toys and put many in black sacks for charity, broken ones to throw and still too many in the living room. We plan to pare them down , watching what they actually want and play with and what we can safely give to charity- nothing has been thrown yet but it will be- as soon as we feel safe to make that call).
There was a little sadness from Watson leaving the foster carers and he ran back to give the male foster carer a last hug. we handed over a present and a card for them (a big Yankie Candle and a photo frame) and strapped the boys in. We were impressed with the efficiency from them, not cold by any means as they were clearly upset by the moment, but smooth, encouraging, happy for them and quick. I guess this is the best you can hope for, no over emotional goodbyes to upset them.
the journey home was a little subdued for a bit, especially Watson, which is good as he clearly understoond that he was moving in- he muttered the male foster carers name a couple of times and then halfway through the journey they were both enjoying the music and tapping their feet.
And that was it- visiting time over- we were taking them home to live with us- no more giving them back to sleep, first night in our house, first time we were not in shared parental control with the foster carers (the local authority retain some control over them until we apply for and get the adoption order).
The next step of the journey was about to begin!
Hi there - I hope everything is going well and you're all settling together as a family! Be nice to read an update how the first month together has been :-) Take care! Sharon (a fellow Queen!)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I never saw this comment, sorry! Just updated! And the blog will resume!
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