Going to panel
The matching panel is made up of lots of professionals who don't know you and have nothing to do with the case. It is impartial in that sense and therefore quite impersonal. They have had all our details and the boys details for at least a week to read through before the panel date.
We managed to get a little lost on the way to the unfamiliar town- we managed to walk around the impressive old building with fairly unimpressive doorway into the civic centre and not the council building. We also had hold ups on the road meaning we were spot on time rather than early like we had planned.
We arrived and walked into the fairly decadent building to be used up towards a less than impressive waiting room, soulless, bare and to be fair somewhat grubby. the coffee laid on was on the rough side and to be fair I had some more to have something to do.
It is supposed to pretty much be a done deal- no one would waste time and effort on people or a person they didn't think to be a good match for the child/ children but seeing as the panel is made up of people that have only judged you on paper, you never can tell what they might think about you and if meeting you doesn't fulfill their expectations- I mean, what if you say something they don't like?
We were in the waiting room when we found out a bit of a curve ball about the planned introductions date. I won't go into details here but it meant that turnaround time was a bit tight. We were determined to go full steam ahead but our social worker wasn't sure there was enough time for the family worker to introduce our books and dvd. It was a spanner in the works and as said, I can't go into details but it was something that shouldn't really be happening at this late stage (nothing to do with us).
The panel consisted of 8 professionals and 3 social workers and us. Apparently panel can be as big as 15 professionals! They called in the social workers first to ask them a few questions about the match and us and about 10 minutes later we were called in. This room was more impressive with fine decoration and polished wood tables arranged in a square with us facing the head of the panel. It was fairly intimidating and whilst friendly they were all a little cool compared to our adoption panel many months before. we were asked a few questions, one about my health (it is fine now, I am getting a little sick of being asked about it), one about fire safety of our home (fire service have come out and declared it one of the safest houses they have ever been to), one about the dogs (literally cannot remember what it was now!), one about us being pescatarian (what, because not eating meat is child abuse or something? I am getting a little sick of this question too, a pescatarian diet provides everything a child and adult needs nutrition- wise and we will let them make their own choice when they are old enough and will explain in child friendly terms when the time is right). there were a few more- 'why these children?' being the most obvious that I think all panels must ask- they have to know you are engaged with them. There was some chatting about schools and behaviour and that was about it. Just like adoption panel, the read through a list of qualities we had and what appealed to them about us as a match before they started- this is nice and I think all panels do this as it relaxes you and makes you feel that they must be on your side.
We were asked to leave the room with our social workers (as they are not allowed to be a part of the decision making anymore). We weren't out very long, 5 minutes maybe, we were called back in to be told the decision: it was a unanimous recommendation that we were to be the match for the boys!
It was a huge relief- it doesn't matter how much you are told it will be a forgone conclusion, you can't dare to let yourself believe it! We held hands and laughed and I am sure the look of relief echoed around the room. We went back downstairs to the soulless room where another couple were waiting, we recognised the thinly disguised look of fear in them and tried to reassure them.
We amended our family books to remove Byron and paste a plain page on instead and I drew little paw prints on the page leading to our cat cobweb. It was rather sad to do this but i am glad it happened in time for us not to disappoint the boys but having him not in our house.
We went for coffee with our social worker to celebrate and kill some time as we were now due to meet Watson's key worker at nursery to talk about his education and how he gets on in class, play and how he has improved. It was very useful to see where he is lacking developmentally and where he is improving and what books/ worksheets/ websites to use to help him,
We drove home elated but still not daring to celebrate too much until ratification (final decision by the head of adoption). We went for a late lunch together and then round to my mum to tell her all about it and to go out for a meal to commemorate dad (we decided it would be better to remember him with a meal out on his birthday and not the day he was killed but this year we will be right in the middle of visiting the boys when it would have been his birthday and mum was going on holiday right before so we decided this day would be best).
It was a hard week waiting for the ratification- in the meantime we got our introductions rota and went through it. We got the call we didn't want on the Friday from our Social Worker telling us introductions had to be put back by 4 days. I totally understand why but I was less than happy with this as I am not sure a smattering of days will make much difference to the potential trauma it may trigger. We had a most disappointing time after that - we were so close to meeting our boys and it was being pushed back.
We still had our planning meeting to go to and I insisted that it didn't get pushed back anymore as I had arranged my leaving date and had to leave as someone else had been employed in my place for 11 weeks.
To add to the stress, the day we had been told was ratification day came and got to midday and still nothing- we found out that it was the day after now- not sure if the date changed or we were told the wrong date but needless to say I felt sick all day to feel worse that I was stressed with no outcome. Finally the day came and by about 2pm I received the email to tell us that we had been ratified- it was official- we were to be mummy and daddy to Holmes and Watson!
We managed to get a little lost on the way to the unfamiliar town- we managed to walk around the impressive old building with fairly unimpressive doorway into the civic centre and not the council building. We also had hold ups on the road meaning we were spot on time rather than early like we had planned.
We arrived and walked into the fairly decadent building to be used up towards a less than impressive waiting room, soulless, bare and to be fair somewhat grubby. the coffee laid on was on the rough side and to be fair I had some more to have something to do.
It is supposed to pretty much be a done deal- no one would waste time and effort on people or a person they didn't think to be a good match for the child/ children but seeing as the panel is made up of people that have only judged you on paper, you never can tell what they might think about you and if meeting you doesn't fulfill their expectations- I mean, what if you say something they don't like?
We were in the waiting room when we found out a bit of a curve ball about the planned introductions date. I won't go into details here but it meant that turnaround time was a bit tight. We were determined to go full steam ahead but our social worker wasn't sure there was enough time for the family worker to introduce our books and dvd. It was a spanner in the works and as said, I can't go into details but it was something that shouldn't really be happening at this late stage (nothing to do with us).
The panel consisted of 8 professionals and 3 social workers and us. Apparently panel can be as big as 15 professionals! They called in the social workers first to ask them a few questions about the match and us and about 10 minutes later we were called in. This room was more impressive with fine decoration and polished wood tables arranged in a square with us facing the head of the panel. It was fairly intimidating and whilst friendly they were all a little cool compared to our adoption panel many months before. we were asked a few questions, one about my health (it is fine now, I am getting a little sick of being asked about it), one about fire safety of our home (fire service have come out and declared it one of the safest houses they have ever been to), one about the dogs (literally cannot remember what it was now!), one about us being pescatarian (what, because not eating meat is child abuse or something? I am getting a little sick of this question too, a pescatarian diet provides everything a child and adult needs nutrition- wise and we will let them make their own choice when they are old enough and will explain in child friendly terms when the time is right). there were a few more- 'why these children?' being the most obvious that I think all panels must ask- they have to know you are engaged with them. There was some chatting about schools and behaviour and that was about it. Just like adoption panel, the read through a list of qualities we had and what appealed to them about us as a match before they started- this is nice and I think all panels do this as it relaxes you and makes you feel that they must be on your side.
We were asked to leave the room with our social workers (as they are not allowed to be a part of the decision making anymore). We weren't out very long, 5 minutes maybe, we were called back in to be told the decision: it was a unanimous recommendation that we were to be the match for the boys!
It was a huge relief- it doesn't matter how much you are told it will be a forgone conclusion, you can't dare to let yourself believe it! We held hands and laughed and I am sure the look of relief echoed around the room. We went back downstairs to the soulless room where another couple were waiting, we recognised the thinly disguised look of fear in them and tried to reassure them.
We amended our family books to remove Byron and paste a plain page on instead and I drew little paw prints on the page leading to our cat cobweb. It was rather sad to do this but i am glad it happened in time for us not to disappoint the boys but having him not in our house.
We went for coffee with our social worker to celebrate and kill some time as we were now due to meet Watson's key worker at nursery to talk about his education and how he gets on in class, play and how he has improved. It was very useful to see where he is lacking developmentally and where he is improving and what books/ worksheets/ websites to use to help him,
We drove home elated but still not daring to celebrate too much until ratification (final decision by the head of adoption). We went for a late lunch together and then round to my mum to tell her all about it and to go out for a meal to commemorate dad (we decided it would be better to remember him with a meal out on his birthday and not the day he was killed but this year we will be right in the middle of visiting the boys when it would have been his birthday and mum was going on holiday right before so we decided this day would be best).
It was a hard week waiting for the ratification- in the meantime we got our introductions rota and went through it. We got the call we didn't want on the Friday from our Social Worker telling us introductions had to be put back by 4 days. I totally understand why but I was less than happy with this as I am not sure a smattering of days will make much difference to the potential trauma it may trigger. We had a most disappointing time after that - we were so close to meeting our boys and it was being pushed back.
We still had our planning meeting to go to and I insisted that it didn't get pushed back anymore as I had arranged my leaving date and had to leave as someone else had been employed in my place for 11 weeks.
To add to the stress, the day we had been told was ratification day came and got to midday and still nothing- we found out that it was the day after now- not sure if the date changed or we were told the wrong date but needless to say I felt sick all day to feel worse that I was stressed with no outcome. Finally the day came and by about 2pm I received the email to tell us that we had been ratified- it was official- we were to be mummy and daddy to Holmes and Watson!
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