The Panel Hearing
Our social worker came round to have a meeting with us the Monday before the Friday of our panel date. I was in a panic and worrying and Karl was more pragmatic about the fact that we wouldn't be going to panel unless we were ready. We went through the logistics of the date and what the hearing would consist of (described in my 'what is the adoption process?' post earlier). I felt a little better after having my nerves calmed. We also discussed a little of how the search for children happens and told we could register on the website- though I chose not to until we had received a final go ahead- I didn't want to tempt fate.
The days between Monday and Friday (namely, Tuesday , Wednesday and Thursday!) were torture to me- The time dragged and I could think of nothing else. I didn't sleep well. By Thursday morning, however, I was very ill- it turns out I had given myself food poisoning (unknown at this point) from butter that had clearly gone off (I say clearly, but 'clearly' it wasn't 'clearly' as I ate it!). After a 'delicate' few hours in the morning I dragged myself to work- only to find I could barely stand up- I went home at break and by the time I got home (a car break down on the roads meant it took an hour to get home- which was not good as I had waves of pain washing over me). Whilst this meant I barely ate and was in a lot of pain, it did take my mind off the looming panel date for a bit!
Friday came around and I wasn't sure whether if was pure nerves or a mix of nerves and illness- but either way I couldn't eat and my stomach was churning continually. I felt dizzy and faint. To be fair, had it been a normal day, I would have still been in bed I was so ill. All I could do was put on my war paint and a nice dress and force myself through it- it is amazing what your body can do when it needs to and somehow I got ready and drove there.
We were spot on the 'early' time we had been advised to arrive. We were taken to an office room to wait. today they were hearing 4 cases. We glimpsed another couple in another room and I felt a pang of camaraderie knowing what they were also going through. Their case must have been the first that day as I knew we were second.
We spent a long time talking to our social worker- who was clearly a little excited/ apprehensive for us which was lovely as we felt that it meant a lot lot her too, after all, she had got to know us and share our story. She did her best to talk about other things and keep our minds from worrying- I remember at one point the conversation was about beard and mustache contests- rather bizarre! Our case was late to go to panel and the waiting was awful- that terrible moment in limbo, between a YES and a NO, a state of nothingness. Eventually, our social worker was called in- she was in there around 10-15 minutes. At this point, left with just each other- we allowed ourselves to speculate what they would be talking about, the questions they would be asking her about us. We also speculated about what they were going to ask us- as I assuming everyone does and everyone will do in the future.
Finally we were called in- there was a huge amount of people there-- about 10 I think, then us and our social worker (your own social worker cannot make a decision so they are the same 'side' as you- at least I think this is the case!). There were observers, people from the agency of varying levels of seniority, outside workers and a medical adviser (the same one who had made me wait a year, who seemed far more friendly in the flesh). We recognised one face, a lady we had met at the open day and she remembered us and gave us a big smile- we remembered her as she also had a Miniature Schnauzer and had been very friendly and helpful at the open day.
The chair of the panel started, after they had all introduced themselves and their capacity by the chair of the panel going through what the panel though were our strengths as adopters- this was nice to hear, a list of things that made us feel more confident and capable. We were then asked questions- I will try to remember them but to be honest I am not sure I can recall all the details.
I think we were first asked about my improvement in health- I was asked how I felt about the improvement and the medical adviser made a statement about how pleased he was with my progress. This put me at ease as this was a huge worry to me, feeling that I would never be good enough. Next I think I was asked about my greatest achievement (this was something we had filled in as homework ages ago- clearly they had really read our profiles!). Luckily I was given a run down in a sentence of what I had written about. This was very specific, asked by a former teacher, hence my achievement about getting a disaffected boy a grade G at GCSE must have stood out to them. What it detailed to the panel, I believe, is that I celebrated achievements regardless and that I didn't have unrealistic expectations of children. We were then asked about the type of children we wanted and what we felt we could and couldn't cope with. We re-iterated about we wanted, ultimately, a child or children who would grow into independent, happy adults- we made it clear we knew we couldn't cope with a child with any severe condition or disablement. You have to be very honest with them and yourselves.
I am not sure what else we were asked apart from the last question (I think there were about 5 in total). The last question threw us and mild panic went through us both as we had not expected it. There was some discussion around the dogs (we expected this) but then we were asked 'What would you do if the child was allergic to the dogs?' We had never considered this. My first reaction is that we would not enquire about a child known to have allergies and the medical adviser stressed that it was very rare (which calmed me a little!). They continued with this line of questioning- I felt like we went into panic- what we actually did was turn to each other and discuss who would take what animal in the family, Gus to my mum, Spike to Karl's sister, the cats to Karl's mum and dad or perhaps a friend. I think we maybe gave them too much detail but what it showed was that our reaction was to re-house the animals, not get rid of the child. We stressed that it would be heart breaking but something that would have to happen.
And that was it-10-15 minutes in there and then we were asked to go back to the office room. Our social worker stayed in the room. And then we waited... I don't think it was too long but it felt it! We stressed about the last question as we hadn't expected it at all. We worried that we had blown it by not seeming prepared with this. Eventually our social worker and the chair came to meet us and let us know we had been approved. The relief was huge! We were told that all they had wanted to hear was that we would put the child first. We were told an amusing story about a couple who had done the opposite to us and put the animals first. Our social worker hugged us both and talked us through the decision a little. It had been a unanimous 'yes' for us. We would be receiving the final decision in around 10 days. We then talked to a few of the panel before leaving (they were breaking for lunch at this point) and then left, on cloud 9. We called both sets of parents from the car park before driving home, missing our turning as we were so elated and finally to a pub for a celebratory meal (not that I could really eat- the dogs got most of my fish that I wrapped up and took away). We went to see my mum after that as we knew she would need the details- she had already been sick with nerves!
And that was it! In hindsight, this process was far easier to than what was to come...
The days between Monday and Friday (namely, Tuesday , Wednesday and Thursday!) were torture to me- The time dragged and I could think of nothing else. I didn't sleep well. By Thursday morning, however, I was very ill- it turns out I had given myself food poisoning (unknown at this point) from butter that had clearly gone off (I say clearly, but 'clearly' it wasn't 'clearly' as I ate it!). After a 'delicate' few hours in the morning I dragged myself to work- only to find I could barely stand up- I went home at break and by the time I got home (a car break down on the roads meant it took an hour to get home- which was not good as I had waves of pain washing over me). Whilst this meant I barely ate and was in a lot of pain, it did take my mind off the looming panel date for a bit!
Friday came around and I wasn't sure whether if was pure nerves or a mix of nerves and illness- but either way I couldn't eat and my stomach was churning continually. I felt dizzy and faint. To be fair, had it been a normal day, I would have still been in bed I was so ill. All I could do was put on my war paint and a nice dress and force myself through it- it is amazing what your body can do when it needs to and somehow I got ready and drove there.
We were spot on the 'early' time we had been advised to arrive. We were taken to an office room to wait. today they were hearing 4 cases. We glimpsed another couple in another room and I felt a pang of camaraderie knowing what they were also going through. Their case must have been the first that day as I knew we were second.
We spent a long time talking to our social worker- who was clearly a little excited/ apprehensive for us which was lovely as we felt that it meant a lot lot her too, after all, she had got to know us and share our story. She did her best to talk about other things and keep our minds from worrying- I remember at one point the conversation was about beard and mustache contests- rather bizarre! Our case was late to go to panel and the waiting was awful- that terrible moment in limbo, between a YES and a NO, a state of nothingness. Eventually, our social worker was called in- she was in there around 10-15 minutes. At this point, left with just each other- we allowed ourselves to speculate what they would be talking about, the questions they would be asking her about us. We also speculated about what they were going to ask us- as I assuming everyone does and everyone will do in the future.
Finally we were called in- there was a huge amount of people there-- about 10 I think, then us and our social worker (your own social worker cannot make a decision so they are the same 'side' as you- at least I think this is the case!). There were observers, people from the agency of varying levels of seniority, outside workers and a medical adviser (the same one who had made me wait a year, who seemed far more friendly in the flesh). We recognised one face, a lady we had met at the open day and she remembered us and gave us a big smile- we remembered her as she also had a Miniature Schnauzer and had been very friendly and helpful at the open day.
The chair of the panel started, after they had all introduced themselves and their capacity by the chair of the panel going through what the panel though were our strengths as adopters- this was nice to hear, a list of things that made us feel more confident and capable. We were then asked questions- I will try to remember them but to be honest I am not sure I can recall all the details.
I think we were first asked about my improvement in health- I was asked how I felt about the improvement and the medical adviser made a statement about how pleased he was with my progress. This put me at ease as this was a huge worry to me, feeling that I would never be good enough. Next I think I was asked about my greatest achievement (this was something we had filled in as homework ages ago- clearly they had really read our profiles!). Luckily I was given a run down in a sentence of what I had written about. This was very specific, asked by a former teacher, hence my achievement about getting a disaffected boy a grade G at GCSE must have stood out to them. What it detailed to the panel, I believe, is that I celebrated achievements regardless and that I didn't have unrealistic expectations of children. We were then asked about the type of children we wanted and what we felt we could and couldn't cope with. We re-iterated about we wanted, ultimately, a child or children who would grow into independent, happy adults- we made it clear we knew we couldn't cope with a child with any severe condition or disablement. You have to be very honest with them and yourselves.
I am not sure what else we were asked apart from the last question (I think there were about 5 in total). The last question threw us and mild panic went through us both as we had not expected it. There was some discussion around the dogs (we expected this) but then we were asked 'What would you do if the child was allergic to the dogs?' We had never considered this. My first reaction is that we would not enquire about a child known to have allergies and the medical adviser stressed that it was very rare (which calmed me a little!). They continued with this line of questioning- I felt like we went into panic- what we actually did was turn to each other and discuss who would take what animal in the family, Gus to my mum, Spike to Karl's sister, the cats to Karl's mum and dad or perhaps a friend. I think we maybe gave them too much detail but what it showed was that our reaction was to re-house the animals, not get rid of the child. We stressed that it would be heart breaking but something that would have to happen.
And that was it-10-15 minutes in there and then we were asked to go back to the office room. Our social worker stayed in the room. And then we waited... I don't think it was too long but it felt it! We stressed about the last question as we hadn't expected it at all. We worried that we had blown it by not seeming prepared with this. Eventually our social worker and the chair came to meet us and let us know we had been approved. The relief was huge! We were told that all they had wanted to hear was that we would put the child first. We were told an amusing story about a couple who had done the opposite to us and put the animals first. Our social worker hugged us both and talked us through the decision a little. It had been a unanimous 'yes' for us. We would be receiving the final decision in around 10 days. We then talked to a few of the panel before leaving (they were breaking for lunch at this point) and then left, on cloud 9. We called both sets of parents from the car park before driving home, missing our turning as we were so elated and finally to a pub for a celebratory meal (not that I could really eat- the dogs got most of my fish that I wrapped up and took away). We went to see my mum after that as we knew she would need the details- she had already been sick with nerves!
And that was it! In hindsight, this process was far easier to than what was to come...
Comments
Post a Comment