The stop gap years- part two- buying things/ spending too much

Buying things/ spending too much

 Well there is no one else to spend it on, is there! Let's be honest about this, only us to take the brunt of debt, it didn't effect anyone but us. We fell headstrong into credit cards and loans and ignored sage advice from others. We were young, commitment free- why shouldn't we spend all we could on each other and on ourselves? It was a hedonistic period of time- money was like water and 'things' had their own temporary way of filling the family gap.

We have a lot of things. and a lot of things have long since gone (the great house clearance of 2015/16). I think it is fair to say that wild spending didn't last long before we wised up. We took years to pay off debt, but we did it. Now we spend in our means and never beyond. I know we are not abnormal in running up debt in our younger years but it is a lesson we have learnt from. Now, I have savings- an odd feeling!

Buying things does not take away the pain. It doesn't fill any gap in the end. The joy is temporary and the debt lasts. My advice to anyone is don't take loans, don't open credit cards, don't buy things for temporary happiness- it causes more pain than it is worth. But I didn't listen and neither will others. I can't describe the free-ness of no debt. We are fortunate now to be able to live within our means and save and I am thankful for that. I look back on how were were and realise what we were doing. These days we don't spend more than £30 without talking to each other first and we evaluate purchases and often put things back! Finally sensible! Who would have thought it!

I can't say we don't treat ourselves, that would be an outright lie that our friends would call us on immediately, but we know we don't need things and know when to stop.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Where's the mummy? Where's the daddy?" the not so normal viewpoints...

Sometimes it is little things that remind you that your child is not a 'normal' child ( I hate that word- what is normal? Everyone's 'normal' is something different!). I am not sure what else to say though- we don't need anything to remind us they are  adopted as it is a living and breathing thing that is always with us as adoptive parents, well I believe that to be true. So, I am sticking with there term 'normal' in this case. Beyond needing to know where their own parent is- 'Where daddy?' (in the loo), 'Where mummy?' (in the kitchen), 'Where daddy?' (gone to work, you know that, you said goodbye to him...), 'Where mummy?' (in the same room as you, just look around)- we are reminded that our children don't have the same viewpoint as other children- or maybe they do but we know it comes from loss and adoption so it is deeper rooted as an issue and not just a passing question or concern. How are we reminded?   Films
Read more

Confessions of an adoptive mother- all about fear.

Adoption is full of heartbreak. Yours, my darling child and mine. We come together not through pure joy (that fleets in and out of our lives) but through heartbreak. We are all filled with fear. Your fear is most likely about being abandoned, not fitting in, not belonging and not being able to even pinpoint what exactly you feel. You were far too young to make sense of it all (can you ever really make sense of what has happened to you?). I think you may feel you are not loved and never will be, I think that you show me this and will continue to share this fear, even if unspoken, in your behaviour for the rest of our lives together. I try to piece together your fear and not project it on to you but I read the thoughts of adoptees and birth parents and I try to arm myself to support you in future years. I fear I cannot be good enough to help you with this fear. I fear that you will blame me for all the past trauma that I couldn’t stop or help. I fear that you will reject me as
Read more

Introduction days- what we did and how it went!

As said, our introductions were delayed by a few days, so instead of Thursday, they were the following Monday. Four days doesn't seem a lot in the grand scheme of things but after such a long wait those four days seemed liked added torture. We went for our planning meeting as scheduled- only instead of meeting them, we received the adoption placement certificate- which made it really feel official- a piece of paper with a date for placement, certifying us to take these children home. After this meeting, we went home. We decided to treat ourselves to a blow up home spa that week and thankfully the weather was beautiful on the Sunday so we had a  lovely relaxing day in the spa and one evening bubbles and chill time too. We knew we had to deflated it and put it away for the season but it will come out again late spring and by then hopefully the boys will enjoy being in water. On Monday we made our way to the foster carer's home. I felt sick, I think we both did. We stopped off
Read more