Getting closer- or not...
I was halfway up the stairs cursing at the difficulty of glossing the woodwork after carpet had been put in (nearly two years ago) when the phone rang I didn't make it to the phone in time but recognised the number as my social worker.I called back, paint brush in hand as I didn't have anywhere to put it...
She has been sent a CPR for two children we had expressed an interest in ( and been linked to) and wondered when we would be able to pick it up to read through and let her know if we were still interested. After some deliberation, I decided I could do it right then and swing by and pick Karl up on the way.
This was to be the first time we were allowed to read- this was one tiny step closer in the process overall. These are only shared with people they are seriously interested in considering as potential parents. By the time we got there the social worker of another set of children had sent their CPR through for us to look at. this felt very positive and we were excited by the prospect of being seriously considered as potential matches.
We took time over them, reading one sibling, then swapping and reading the other. The information is far more detailed than the online profile, details the parents background, a chain of evidence leading up to the children going into care, the children's back story and particular stand out incidents and a report on how they have coped with parental contact and care since being removed. They are thick booklets of information. One pair had names and picture and the other pair still did not.
This makes the children very, very real to you. You have been allowed a glimpse into their troubled little lives and you cannot help but imagine how it could be made better and how you could help them. They seem like ghost children, children in the far off distance that are calling your name, children that could, just maybe, be your children. It really is a very strange feeling to be allowed this privileged and be given this information. Likewise, it is odd to know so much about children you may never meet- reading private details of little ones that may ultimately have nothing to do with you. It is like being privy to information you aren't supposed to see.
We read through them in turn and discussed our feelings over tea and biscuits about some of the more shocking information, the children themselves, potential issues with their past and overall how we felt about adopting them should we be lucky enough. One pair we felt very strongly about and this only heightened our interest, the other pair, we liked but felt there were issues in the pipeline regarding extended family that we would want addressing- but ultimately, still interested. This particular pair were not yet up for adoption- they did not have a placement order and the case was due in court that week. We informed our social worker we were interested still in both sets of siblings and she in turn let the children's social workers know.
By this time we had 4 open links and a 5th was soon to follow. Surely by laws of averages, one of these links would be positive and allow us to finally be parents? Surely?
We found out that there was an issue with the court case, an appeal- I can't really go into detail but it won't be till June now that anything further can happen with regards to the courts awarding or not awarding a placement order. We told the social worker we are happy to wait (but of course, we will keep looking). These children may never get adopted as they may never be able to be released into the system to find new parents.
It started to feel like we were getting somewhere though, another little step down the road of this journey. We weren't as it turned out.
Again, we came top 3 and didn't make it. I asked for feedback, aware that it was most likely that none would be given. I kind of wish I hadn't- this time we were told that past medical issues (both not an issue now) with us both made us the 'lesser choice' in a three horse race. This made us both very upset as there is nothing we can do about the past- we showed strength by overcoming issues and showed that we are supportive and strong- yet this was seen as a weakness. It made me feel that this would keep raising its head as an issue. We have been assured that it shouldn't be a problem and this was specifically picky but it was a shock to have something we thought had been overcome rear its head. I think I would rather be told that we lived too far away or too close or our colouring wasn't close enough or they wanted a stay at home mum- something other than an issue that is no longer there and issues that should have shown us in a positive light, able to cope with trauma and able to cope with lifestyle changes. This was a bitter pill to swallow.
She has been sent a CPR for two children we had expressed an interest in ( and been linked to) and wondered when we would be able to pick it up to read through and let her know if we were still interested. After some deliberation, I decided I could do it right then and swing by and pick Karl up on the way.
This was to be the first time we were allowed to read- this was one tiny step closer in the process overall. These are only shared with people they are seriously interested in considering as potential parents. By the time we got there the social worker of another set of children had sent their CPR through for us to look at. this felt very positive and we were excited by the prospect of being seriously considered as potential matches.
We took time over them, reading one sibling, then swapping and reading the other. The information is far more detailed than the online profile, details the parents background, a chain of evidence leading up to the children going into care, the children's back story and particular stand out incidents and a report on how they have coped with parental contact and care since being removed. They are thick booklets of information. One pair had names and picture and the other pair still did not.
This makes the children very, very real to you. You have been allowed a glimpse into their troubled little lives and you cannot help but imagine how it could be made better and how you could help them. They seem like ghost children, children in the far off distance that are calling your name, children that could, just maybe, be your children. It really is a very strange feeling to be allowed this privileged and be given this information. Likewise, it is odd to know so much about children you may never meet- reading private details of little ones that may ultimately have nothing to do with you. It is like being privy to information you aren't supposed to see.
We read through them in turn and discussed our feelings over tea and biscuits about some of the more shocking information, the children themselves, potential issues with their past and overall how we felt about adopting them should we be lucky enough. One pair we felt very strongly about and this only heightened our interest, the other pair, we liked but felt there were issues in the pipeline regarding extended family that we would want addressing- but ultimately, still interested. This particular pair were not yet up for adoption- they did not have a placement order and the case was due in court that week. We informed our social worker we were interested still in both sets of siblings and she in turn let the children's social workers know.
By this time we had 4 open links and a 5th was soon to follow. Surely by laws of averages, one of these links would be positive and allow us to finally be parents? Surely?
We found out that there was an issue with the court case, an appeal- I can't really go into detail but it won't be till June now that anything further can happen with regards to the courts awarding or not awarding a placement order. We told the social worker we are happy to wait (but of course, we will keep looking). These children may never get adopted as they may never be able to be released into the system to find new parents.
It started to feel like we were getting somewhere though, another little step down the road of this journey. We weren't as it turned out.
Again, we came top 3 and didn't make it. I asked for feedback, aware that it was most likely that none would be given. I kind of wish I hadn't- this time we were told that past medical issues (both not an issue now) with us both made us the 'lesser choice' in a three horse race. This made us both very upset as there is nothing we can do about the past- we showed strength by overcoming issues and showed that we are supportive and strong- yet this was seen as a weakness. It made me feel that this would keep raising its head as an issue. We have been assured that it shouldn't be a problem and this was specifically picky but it was a shock to have something we thought had been overcome rear its head. I think I would rather be told that we lived too far away or too close or our colouring wasn't close enough or they wanted a stay at home mum- something other than an issue that is no longer there and issues that should have shown us in a positive light, able to cope with trauma and able to cope with lifestyle changes. This was a bitter pill to swallow.
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