Getting the interview...but not the job...
Don't you love a good metaphor? Hmmm...
We last week we had four 'interviews' and no jobs came from it.
We had started the week with 5 open links- a really happy place to be, 5 sets of social workers interested in us...the first rejection I have written about in the last post (and this was the hardest to take) and then through the week 3 more rejections came in. It is fair to say that last week was a hugely depressing week that proved that law of averages is total hogwash and we were, unfortunately, not the average.
Hope just kept slipping from our fingers as the days went by. At times I am not sure how I dealt with the more petty things of life as it carried on around me. Alongside this my dog, Gus was getting progressively more blind worryingly quick (we had already been to a specialist about a cataract operation, this culminated the following Monday in an emergency rush to the specialist dog hospital as things appeared dangerously worrying- fortunately it wasn't the worst scenario and now he is booked in for his op to give him a chance at getting his eyesight back). It really was a week of woe and worry.
It was almost laughable by the end of the week- in that slightly mad way when it is a case of laugh or cry. Our social worker had warned me that issues of fertility may come back during this process and at the time I felt I understood but didn't feel it was an issue for me anymore. I was now starting to understand.
Each month there is hope when you are trying to get pregnant. There are even 'signs' of pregnancy- little changes that *could* mean you are pregnant. Anyone who has tried for a baby, successful or not, will understand this feeling- the hope, the dreaming and then ultimately the feeling of emptiness and despair as you find yet another month, it is not to be. For the infertile, this is reflective for every month. Now, imagine this feeling plus the fact you have seen their faces, know their likes and dislikes, know what they like to eat, know their background and specific needs- more information than the hopeful person trying for a baby could ever know- as one who has experienced both I can tell you it hurts equally if not more than the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant. Each link brings hope and each rejection takes away that hope. The only redeeming light is that there are others you can try for, other names and faces and profiles.
The only thing you can do is grow the skin of a rhino and grow it fast. There is no way you can continue if you don't. It is a tough thing to do- you have to be invested in the profiles to want to take it further but at the same time you have to keep it all at arms length. slowly you realise that a link shows you are a good choice and lots of links means you have a strong profile but lots of links do not mean anything until you make the cut. We are 'fighting' in the dark against unknown competitors who have been deemed equally as good as us. Are we harder because of all this? Yes, I think we are. I can't say their won't be more tears shed each time children slip from our dreams of family but it is getting easier to get over it quicker. Whilst we know there are far more adopters than children available. we have also been in this long enough now to know profiles go on every week and usually at least one if not more are the sort of children we are looking for. Each profile bringing another chance- either to be rejected outright or linked to and who knows- one day it will be our time!
By the end of the week we had another link for a pair of boys- leaving us with two open links so at least something relatively positive came out of a dark week.
And so the adventure continues...
We last week we had four 'interviews' and no jobs came from it.
We had started the week with 5 open links- a really happy place to be, 5 sets of social workers interested in us...the first rejection I have written about in the last post (and this was the hardest to take) and then through the week 3 more rejections came in. It is fair to say that last week was a hugely depressing week that proved that law of averages is total hogwash and we were, unfortunately, not the average.
Hope just kept slipping from our fingers as the days went by. At times I am not sure how I dealt with the more petty things of life as it carried on around me. Alongside this my dog, Gus was getting progressively more blind worryingly quick (we had already been to a specialist about a cataract operation, this culminated the following Monday in an emergency rush to the specialist dog hospital as things appeared dangerously worrying- fortunately it wasn't the worst scenario and now he is booked in for his op to give him a chance at getting his eyesight back). It really was a week of woe and worry.
It was almost laughable by the end of the week- in that slightly mad way when it is a case of laugh or cry. Our social worker had warned me that issues of fertility may come back during this process and at the time I felt I understood but didn't feel it was an issue for me anymore. I was now starting to understand.
Each month there is hope when you are trying to get pregnant. There are even 'signs' of pregnancy- little changes that *could* mean you are pregnant. Anyone who has tried for a baby, successful or not, will understand this feeling- the hope, the dreaming and then ultimately the feeling of emptiness and despair as you find yet another month, it is not to be. For the infertile, this is reflective for every month. Now, imagine this feeling plus the fact you have seen their faces, know their likes and dislikes, know what they like to eat, know their background and specific needs- more information than the hopeful person trying for a baby could ever know- as one who has experienced both I can tell you it hurts equally if not more than the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant. Each link brings hope and each rejection takes away that hope. The only redeeming light is that there are others you can try for, other names and faces and profiles.
The only thing you can do is grow the skin of a rhino and grow it fast. There is no way you can continue if you don't. It is a tough thing to do- you have to be invested in the profiles to want to take it further but at the same time you have to keep it all at arms length. slowly you realise that a link shows you are a good choice and lots of links means you have a strong profile but lots of links do not mean anything until you make the cut. We are 'fighting' in the dark against unknown competitors who have been deemed equally as good as us. Are we harder because of all this? Yes, I think we are. I can't say their won't be more tears shed each time children slip from our dreams of family but it is getting easier to get over it quicker. Whilst we know there are far more adopters than children available. we have also been in this long enough now to know profiles go on every week and usually at least one if not more are the sort of children we are looking for. Each profile bringing another chance- either to be rejected outright or linked to and who knows- one day it will be our time!
By the end of the week we had another link for a pair of boys- leaving us with two open links so at least something relatively positive came out of a dark week.
And so the adventure continues...
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