On hideous hold ups part two
...So my Social worker turned up for the matching matrix meeting- a fair drive for her- to find out it had to be cancelled. Sudden clashing dates or something along those lines meant that it couldn't go ahead. this meant that their meeting was moved to the date of our child appreciation day instead...so our child appreciation day was moved to 3 weeks later (nearly another month gone).
This was pretty devastating. I was sat outside a pub in Disneyland Paris with my work colleagues, having a sneaky beer in beautiful sunshine and generally having a most wonderful time. It was like a little black cloud suddenly descended as I read the email. It seemed a real juxtaposition in life- there I was sitting in a place built for children's dreams and my dreams of children were being pushed further back. The only consolation was that another DVD and some photos had been handed over so at least we could see what they looked like now.
We had geared up for this day, really looked forward to it and ultimately pinned lots on it- it was the start of something new, a little peak in the hilly landscape of getting closer to our boys. we had filled out information about why we felt we were good parents for Holmes and Watson and it left us feeling very deflated.
The good news was that we were unanimously matched at the matrix meeting and all felt we were a good match for the boys, so one little hill climbed, one for moment of relief in this journey- though we still have two final big hills to climb before we can feel safe. I have since read the report on us and heck, I want to live with us we sound so good!
The BIG meeting was set for 20th September- largely, I think, because everyone was going on holiday in August so hold ups at this end of the proceedings are clearly due to everyone taking time out of work- poor timing I guess and nothing we can do about it- frustrating all the same as we could have had the macthing panel right after the child appreciation day, meaning introductions could have been in September- but not to be. My mum was getting very frustrated on our part and several times has asked me if we wanted to drop out because of the long delays- if all goes to plan, this will have taken around 23 weeks instead of 8-10. By law of averages, we should be mummy and daddy by now. I have told her that, yes, it is exceedingly annoying and slow but why would we drop out? we feel drawn to these boys, have invested lots of time in reading about them and considering how we can meet their needs and ultimately we consider ourselves their parents even though we are not near to meeting them yet! And also, it could take months and months to get another successful match. At the point of being matched to the boys we had 2 other possibilities that we chose not to chase- another pair of boys (who I think if we had pushed we would have been shortlisted for as without us doing anything or sending any communication we were put in reserve as 2nd possibility for them- with pushing, who knows!) and another was an interest for a girl and boy but there were issues going through court from grandparents so it had all stalled. Ultimately, these boys had entered our hearts however hardened we are trying to be!
The second DVD and set of photos showed the boys to be throwing things around rather than playing constructively. there was some constructive play but not enough. It made us want to get down on the floor with them and play with them and help them to play imaginatively and constructively- not just throwing things around. Holmes is a live wire- running around constantly, flitting from one thing to the next and generally like spring continually uncoiling- it is obvious he is a handful and quite different to the more serious and sedate Holmes we had seen in the first DVD. There was eventually some sitting and building and calmer play. Watson is clearly clumsy but cheerful and seems to love to be tickled, he tried to keep up with his younger brother but is more distracted and more open to instructions. Again, a hugely infectious laugh. They play next to each other rather than together but this is not that unusual in young children. they have both grown, Watson is quite big for his age and Holmes has lost his chubby baby face. This makes me a little sad, if only we had had the chance to meet them at the time of the first DVD we would have had a little one just out of babydom, chubby fat cheeks and arms. He is still very little though but clearly growing into a toddler. We were allowed to take this DVD home (though had to give it back). It was interesting to see how much they had grown but we were a little sad not to see a more structured play event, reading to them, painting- talking. We know Watson has speech delay but we have barely heard either of them speak. The photos were of the same time as the DVD but were crucial in seeing what our little boys will look like when we meet them.
So yes,very frustrating to have the meeting cancelled and even until we walked into the room I was half expecting it to be cancelled again- fearing everything being put back even further, worrying that this big day would never come...
What is a child appreciation day like? Well that is for another time, another post! ;)
This was pretty devastating. I was sat outside a pub in Disneyland Paris with my work colleagues, having a sneaky beer in beautiful sunshine and generally having a most wonderful time. It was like a little black cloud suddenly descended as I read the email. It seemed a real juxtaposition in life- there I was sitting in a place built for children's dreams and my dreams of children were being pushed further back. The only consolation was that another DVD and some photos had been handed over so at least we could see what they looked like now.
We had geared up for this day, really looked forward to it and ultimately pinned lots on it- it was the start of something new, a little peak in the hilly landscape of getting closer to our boys. we had filled out information about why we felt we were good parents for Holmes and Watson and it left us feeling very deflated.
The good news was that we were unanimously matched at the matrix meeting and all felt we were a good match for the boys, so one little hill climbed, one for moment of relief in this journey- though we still have two final big hills to climb before we can feel safe. I have since read the report on us and heck, I want to live with us we sound so good!
The BIG meeting was set for 20th September- largely, I think, because everyone was going on holiday in August so hold ups at this end of the proceedings are clearly due to everyone taking time out of work- poor timing I guess and nothing we can do about it- frustrating all the same as we could have had the macthing panel right after the child appreciation day, meaning introductions could have been in September- but not to be. My mum was getting very frustrated on our part and several times has asked me if we wanted to drop out because of the long delays- if all goes to plan, this will have taken around 23 weeks instead of 8-10. By law of averages, we should be mummy and daddy by now. I have told her that, yes, it is exceedingly annoying and slow but why would we drop out? we feel drawn to these boys, have invested lots of time in reading about them and considering how we can meet their needs and ultimately we consider ourselves their parents even though we are not near to meeting them yet! And also, it could take months and months to get another successful match. At the point of being matched to the boys we had 2 other possibilities that we chose not to chase- another pair of boys (who I think if we had pushed we would have been shortlisted for as without us doing anything or sending any communication we were put in reserve as 2nd possibility for them- with pushing, who knows!) and another was an interest for a girl and boy but there were issues going through court from grandparents so it had all stalled. Ultimately, these boys had entered our hearts however hardened we are trying to be!
The second DVD and set of photos showed the boys to be throwing things around rather than playing constructively. there was some constructive play but not enough. It made us want to get down on the floor with them and play with them and help them to play imaginatively and constructively- not just throwing things around. Holmes is a live wire- running around constantly, flitting from one thing to the next and generally like spring continually uncoiling- it is obvious he is a handful and quite different to the more serious and sedate Holmes we had seen in the first DVD. There was eventually some sitting and building and calmer play. Watson is clearly clumsy but cheerful and seems to love to be tickled, he tried to keep up with his younger brother but is more distracted and more open to instructions. Again, a hugely infectious laugh. They play next to each other rather than together but this is not that unusual in young children. they have both grown, Watson is quite big for his age and Holmes has lost his chubby baby face. This makes me a little sad, if only we had had the chance to meet them at the time of the first DVD we would have had a little one just out of babydom, chubby fat cheeks and arms. He is still very little though but clearly growing into a toddler. We were allowed to take this DVD home (though had to give it back). It was interesting to see how much they had grown but we were a little sad not to see a more structured play event, reading to them, painting- talking. We know Watson has speech delay but we have barely heard either of them speak. The photos were of the same time as the DVD but were crucial in seeing what our little boys will look like when we meet them.
So yes,very frustrating to have the meeting cancelled and even until we walked into the room I was half expecting it to be cancelled again- fearing everything being put back even further, worrying that this big day would never come...
What is a child appreciation day like? Well that is for another time, another post! ;)
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