The day they came to visit...
It is safe to say I had steam cleaned almost everything that could be steam cleaned! They were due at 11am and I think we were up till gone midnight and up again at 7am for final hoovering and cooking.
I insisted on cooking food- to show that we could cook- obviously- that and
the house would smell more homely. The first hiccup was the cookie dough I bought that wasn't cookie dough at all and actually was more like pain au chocolate dough. So I made those- they didn't work out! They tasted fine but were not impressive in any way! In a panic, Karl went to the shop to buy cookies and biscuits.
Next came savoury whirls, mango chutney and cheese and baco bits, Cheese and pesto and Cheese and baco bits...these are always a hit and always turn out well- thankfully after the biscuit-not-biscuit debacle! I had, of course, made far too many (it is fair to say it was pack up for a few days after!).
We researched what the meeting might be like- would they fire questions at us? Would they inspect the house with a fine tooth comb? Would they interrogate us? Would we fail to impress? we researched questions to ask and went through the children's CPRs several times and wrote down questions, printed them out in triplicate and really couldn't think of anything else we could do to be ready for this. Despite planning for so long and doing the house up and prepping, building a summer house, gutting the craft room, painting the children's rooms and going through a thorough home study prior to panel you can't help but wonder if you are good enough- I think the worry of constant scrutiny by strangers does that to you- but we had to keep the faith that we had made it this far and been deemed acceptable already and that others would see this too.
First our social worker arrived and went through how the meeting was likely to go and what to expect (she has called us a few days before to calm my nerves and talk us through it already). The family finder and social worker arrived early and panic set in as the dogs barked and on opening the door there was an expression of shock and slight fear- it turns out the family finder was afraid of dogs. This really worried me. We had the dogs both on leads and hands full of treats to hush them as soon as possible. Gus is the softest dog on earth, after a short bark he will settle to sleep at your feet and Spike only barks because Gus does and after a few moments of trying to show you his play ball he will likely sit on your lap and most likely continue to try to get you to play with him- hardly savage beasts. It was a real shame we couldn't let them off their leads at all to show how relaxed they are in the home.
So coffee all round (with the worry that I suddenly forget how to make a decent cuppa, obviously!) brought out on a nice wooden tray with obligatory just bought biscuits- and so it began...
I cannot recall exactly what was said, it was a blur of talking almost non stop (them and us) for about two and a half hours! we were given a lot of background information that answered a lot of our questions. we mentioned several times information we recalled from the CPRs and this went down well as it was clear we were interested in the children. We were asked the million dollar question, 'Why these children?' which is surprisingly hard to answer despite all the thinking we had done about what we liked about the profiles and how we thought we could meet their needs...perhaps it is hard to put it into succinct words when asked directly. We were also asked about how we saw them in our future and what we wanted for the future with them. We mentioned how our craft room could easily be a bigger second bedroom or a separate playroom/ living room and we talked about how all we wanted was to help them to become happy, independent adults- exactly what we had said at panel a few months before- we don't want intelligence or great talent (if it is there, great) we just want happy individuals. we did a tour of the house and were told despite having two room it would be best for them to share to start with as this is what they were used to in their foster home.
The saddest thing about the day was the social worker forgot the DVD and extra photos- we were really looking forward to seeing this to add more to what we knew about them.
It was an intense day but not unpleasant at all and as for the savoury pastries...they didn't have lunch at all! So all the crudites and fruit and pastries went untouched! I offered lunch but they had somewhere else to be in the afternoon they were already late for- thankfully our social worked stayed for lunch to talk through the meeting with us. We had been asked to give an answer later that afternoon. And we did. It was a yes from us- nothing we had heard had worried us and we were keen to progress.
Within two hours our social worker was on the phone, they wanted to progress with us as a match for the children!
How did we feel? I feel like we should have been jumping up and down and running round screaming but in reality we felt rather excited form of numb! I think so much time and effort went to getting to this point- especially the last few weeks that we were unable to loudly celebrate. To be honest, it didn't feel real, it felt like a dream...still, at the back of my mind was that nagging voice telling me that I was not good enough to adopt and that no one would want us because of XYZ- even now, these thoughts were there despite much evidence to the contrary!
Looking at this part of the process, we have been exceedingly lucky. We were the only fairly they were visiting- this is not always the case at the moment and a social worker may visit two or three families before making a choice. We were also selected via conversation with a family finder at our agency and the children's social workers and then we were contacted with specific interest in us- rather than us competing against others on link maker at the same time. they had had two other families from their own local authority in mind- once chose not to pursue and one said they were too old (and this point they would have been 1 and 3- I do think some adopters can be unrealistic in this current climate!). we had worried about why they had been turned down until we were told this.
There is a long way to go yet- there has to me a matching meeting (that we don't go to) and a child appreciation day (where we meet foster carers and all professionals involved), approval panel and then finally introductions...still a long journey where things can go wrong and plans can change- we could be rejected, the foster carers could decide they want to keep them (my biggest fear) or any number of things could mean the match is stopped...these are all small possibilities, however, but the niggles are there at every stage- waiting for the dream to be ripped away...
But- odd as it sounded- we could very nearly be parents to two little boys!
I insisted on cooking food- to show that we could cook- obviously- that and
the house would smell more homely. The first hiccup was the cookie dough I bought that wasn't cookie dough at all and actually was more like pain au chocolate dough. So I made those- they didn't work out! They tasted fine but were not impressive in any way! In a panic, Karl went to the shop to buy cookies and biscuits.
Next came savoury whirls, mango chutney and cheese and baco bits, Cheese and pesto and Cheese and baco bits...these are always a hit and always turn out well- thankfully after the biscuit-not-biscuit debacle! I had, of course, made far too many (it is fair to say it was pack up for a few days after!).
We researched what the meeting might be like- would they fire questions at us? Would they inspect the house with a fine tooth comb? Would they interrogate us? Would we fail to impress? we researched questions to ask and went through the children's CPRs several times and wrote down questions, printed them out in triplicate and really couldn't think of anything else we could do to be ready for this. Despite planning for so long and doing the house up and prepping, building a summer house, gutting the craft room, painting the children's rooms and going through a thorough home study prior to panel you can't help but wonder if you are good enough- I think the worry of constant scrutiny by strangers does that to you- but we had to keep the faith that we had made it this far and been deemed acceptable already and that others would see this too.
First our social worker arrived and went through how the meeting was likely to go and what to expect (she has called us a few days before to calm my nerves and talk us through it already). The family finder and social worker arrived early and panic set in as the dogs barked and on opening the door there was an expression of shock and slight fear- it turns out the family finder was afraid of dogs. This really worried me. We had the dogs both on leads and hands full of treats to hush them as soon as possible. Gus is the softest dog on earth, after a short bark he will settle to sleep at your feet and Spike only barks because Gus does and after a few moments of trying to show you his play ball he will likely sit on your lap and most likely continue to try to get you to play with him- hardly savage beasts. It was a real shame we couldn't let them off their leads at all to show how relaxed they are in the home.
So coffee all round (with the worry that I suddenly forget how to make a decent cuppa, obviously!) brought out on a nice wooden tray with obligatory just bought biscuits- and so it began...
I cannot recall exactly what was said, it was a blur of talking almost non stop (them and us) for about two and a half hours! we were given a lot of background information that answered a lot of our questions. we mentioned several times information we recalled from the CPRs and this went down well as it was clear we were interested in the children. We were asked the million dollar question, 'Why these children?' which is surprisingly hard to answer despite all the thinking we had done about what we liked about the profiles and how we thought we could meet their needs...perhaps it is hard to put it into succinct words when asked directly. We were also asked about how we saw them in our future and what we wanted for the future with them. We mentioned how our craft room could easily be a bigger second bedroom or a separate playroom/ living room and we talked about how all we wanted was to help them to become happy, independent adults- exactly what we had said at panel a few months before- we don't want intelligence or great talent (if it is there, great) we just want happy individuals. we did a tour of the house and were told despite having two room it would be best for them to share to start with as this is what they were used to in their foster home.
The saddest thing about the day was the social worker forgot the DVD and extra photos- we were really looking forward to seeing this to add more to what we knew about them.
It was an intense day but not unpleasant at all and as for the savoury pastries...they didn't have lunch at all! So all the crudites and fruit and pastries went untouched! I offered lunch but they had somewhere else to be in the afternoon they were already late for- thankfully our social worked stayed for lunch to talk through the meeting with us. We had been asked to give an answer later that afternoon. And we did. It was a yes from us- nothing we had heard had worried us and we were keen to progress.
Within two hours our social worker was on the phone, they wanted to progress with us as a match for the children!
How did we feel? I feel like we should have been jumping up and down and running round screaming but in reality we felt rather excited form of numb! I think so much time and effort went to getting to this point- especially the last few weeks that we were unable to loudly celebrate. To be honest, it didn't feel real, it felt like a dream...still, at the back of my mind was that nagging voice telling me that I was not good enough to adopt and that no one would want us because of XYZ- even now, these thoughts were there despite much evidence to the contrary!
Looking at this part of the process, we have been exceedingly lucky. We were the only fairly they were visiting- this is not always the case at the moment and a social worker may visit two or three families before making a choice. We were also selected via conversation with a family finder at our agency and the children's social workers and then we were contacted with specific interest in us- rather than us competing against others on link maker at the same time. they had had two other families from their own local authority in mind- once chose not to pursue and one said they were too old (and this point they would have been 1 and 3- I do think some adopters can be unrealistic in this current climate!). we had worried about why they had been turned down until we were told this.
There is a long way to go yet- there has to me a matching meeting (that we don't go to) and a child appreciation day (where we meet foster carers and all professionals involved), approval panel and then finally introductions...still a long journey where things can go wrong and plans can change- we could be rejected, the foster carers could decide they want to keep them (my biggest fear) or any number of things could mean the match is stopped...these are all small possibilities, however, but the niggles are there at every stage- waiting for the dream to be ripped away...
But- odd as it sounded- we could very nearly be parents to two little boys!
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