A Contemplative walk...
The next disappointment came with an exceedingly cute face. This particular child did appear to have some behavioural issues due to past experiences but nothing that we couldn't research and work with. We received a link back almost immediately with this profile and our details were sent over.
Our social worker called the child's social worker a few days later for a chat (she is very good, she often does this without us asking). We weren't aware that this chat was happening and Karl received a phone call, He had gone home early for something, it might have been as I was in a meeting.
I recieved a message from Karl to let me know our social worker was on the phone and that there was bad news and good news...I was naturally very impatient and was glued to the phone wanting to know what had happened. I took a phone call from Karl and he explained it all...
It turns out the child's background was far more intense and the behaviours far more pronounced than had been written about in the profile. This is understandable as they are searching for a forever home, too much negativity without discussion would put people off and that isn't fair on the child. Whilst the behavioural displays were worrying, they were something you could work with but things that I didn't feel fitted our lifestyle- though we are by no means set in stone with anything we currently do- but they were things that made us sit back and question our thoughts about parenting this child. They seemed surmountable issues with time, care and advice...however, there was one comment that had come from the child about the type of family they were looking for that made me say no-without question. It seems the child's social worker had different view to what the child wanted (in their best interests we are sure). but it was a huge issue- I cannot give details as they are not mine to give. The good news? they were making some progress in some areas.
Karl and I took a walk round the park with the dogs and discussed it at length. It was a chill afternoon but bright so we took the opportunity to take photos of our local park and play area while no children were about (because you can't do that sort of thing when kids are around!) for our family book that you give to a child or children that will come to live with you, there will be pictures of you, yours family, your house and various thing that are important. The air was still and calm and there was a fain hint of spring in the air even at this time in the coming gloam of the day. The dogs scampered about happily, snuffling and galloping about. It would have been a perfect walk if it were not for the topic we had come out to clear our heads and discuss in detail. We talked about the issues and the comment the child had made. We talked around the issues and the life the child must have had but ultimately came to the same decision- they were not right for us and in our view, more importantly, we were not right for them.
For us, this was another learning curve- realising how a profile can reveal and yet hide details at the same time, to see how disappointing things can turn out as information is revealed. It was a little odd as neither of us had felt particularly attached to this profile before but learning about it in detail was quite hard hitting- I think the realities of the backgrounds children come from really hit home- we know it all in theory and I am well aware of poor and less than perfect backgrounds through my job, but having this detail attached to a real little person in need, someone that has become personal in even a little way to you really makes a difference, makes it real, makes it all the more heartbreaking than ''just a story' or 'just a case study'. there is a real life there that you could be the one to change, to improve and give stability to, there is a real person behind the profile and a really hard decision to make to admit sometimes things are just too much and you know it would not enrich your life to altruistically take these issues on- I hope there is a loving family out there for them, I am sure there will be but we were not them. realistically we were just one of a handful of considerations for this child so I do have hope that one of that handful are excited about being investigated further as a match.
And so our search continued.
Our social worker called the child's social worker a few days later for a chat (she is very good, she often does this without us asking). We weren't aware that this chat was happening and Karl received a phone call, He had gone home early for something, it might have been as I was in a meeting.
I recieved a message from Karl to let me know our social worker was on the phone and that there was bad news and good news...I was naturally very impatient and was glued to the phone wanting to know what had happened. I took a phone call from Karl and he explained it all...
It turns out the child's background was far more intense and the behaviours far more pronounced than had been written about in the profile. This is understandable as they are searching for a forever home, too much negativity without discussion would put people off and that isn't fair on the child. Whilst the behavioural displays were worrying, they were something you could work with but things that I didn't feel fitted our lifestyle- though we are by no means set in stone with anything we currently do- but they were things that made us sit back and question our thoughts about parenting this child. They seemed surmountable issues with time, care and advice...however, there was one comment that had come from the child about the type of family they were looking for that made me say no-without question. It seems the child's social worker had different view to what the child wanted (in their best interests we are sure). but it was a huge issue- I cannot give details as they are not mine to give. The good news? they were making some progress in some areas.
Karl and I took a walk round the park with the dogs and discussed it at length. It was a chill afternoon but bright so we took the opportunity to take photos of our local park and play area while no children were about (because you can't do that sort of thing when kids are around!) for our family book that you give to a child or children that will come to live with you, there will be pictures of you, yours family, your house and various thing that are important. The air was still and calm and there was a fain hint of spring in the air even at this time in the coming gloam of the day. The dogs scampered about happily, snuffling and galloping about. It would have been a perfect walk if it were not for the topic we had come out to clear our heads and discuss in detail. We talked about the issues and the comment the child had made. We talked around the issues and the life the child must have had but ultimately came to the same decision- they were not right for us and in our view, more importantly, we were not right for them.
For us, this was another learning curve- realising how a profile can reveal and yet hide details at the same time, to see how disappointing things can turn out as information is revealed. It was a little odd as neither of us had felt particularly attached to this profile before but learning about it in detail was quite hard hitting- I think the realities of the backgrounds children come from really hit home- we know it all in theory and I am well aware of poor and less than perfect backgrounds through my job, but having this detail attached to a real little person in need, someone that has become personal in even a little way to you really makes a difference, makes it real, makes it all the more heartbreaking than ''just a story' or 'just a case study'. there is a real life there that you could be the one to change, to improve and give stability to, there is a real person behind the profile and a really hard decision to make to admit sometimes things are just too much and you know it would not enrich your life to altruistically take these issues on- I hope there is a loving family out there for them, I am sure there will be but we were not them. realistically we were just one of a handful of considerations for this child so I do have hope that one of that handful are excited about being investigated further as a match.
And so our search continued.
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