The summer of waiting
After court cases passed us by and after initial depression and numbness, the healing began. April came and went and it was a hard month for many reasons; one being that this was our original panel date. It came and went and I thought about those we have trained with and how they all would potentially be through panel by now.
We kept in contact with the adoption agency and went on a training evening for becoming helpers. I helped out first at a craft and pamper day, crafts for the kids and pampering for the parents. I prepared cutting up plastic bags for weaving and tissue paper for 'stained glass' and awaited the unknown!
It was a very tiring but great day- happy kids getting involved and playing, experiencing new things and taking home proudly made bits and bobs- giving me some ideas of what to do with my own kids one day. It was great to see how well the children interacted- if you looked carefully, however, you could see the issues and insecurities, but only if you looked hard. I was also encouraged that I wasn't 'old'. We are told by the medical profession, especially with views on parenting that you are over the hill at 40 and yet here were many happy parents with their adoptive kids, clearly over 40. This really made me happy- not the washed up people that the medical profession would have us pigeon holed as! With all the good came the pang that I still might not ever get started again- we were in the hands of the medical adviser, without their approval we would not be able to re-start the process. All of these children with their mummies were a little stab in my heart. Very much a bitter sweet day.
The next event was a day out at a farm. I elected to help out two mentally and physically disabled children- as I never had spent time with children with these issues and also one child relied on sign language as they didn't have verbal communication and I know sign language (though very rusty!). This was an experience that taught me a lot- mainly that the severity of both of these children would be too much for us as a couple to cope with. I have every ounce of admiration for their mother but this was not for me. I had to see this and experience this for myself to truly know. I had a lovely day talking with their mum and the social workers and I enjoyed helping the children to experience play and fun with the animals. Karl spent time with another pair, an adorable little boy with a willful nature who certainly kept him on his toes!
Again, what we noticed is apart from any obvious issues of disability, all of these children were no different to any other child in the playground but it was clear to the finely tuned eye what their individual needs might have been.
Our social worker had hoped to re-start us in August but this was not approved and the medical adviser insisted that we waited the full year, which would make it November. We met to finalise stage one and get all the paperwork finished. I got quite frustrated at one point as I had no hard and fast goal to get to with regards to my diabetes. Our social worker assured me it would be fine and I obtained an updated record of my progress. I had been meeting my nurse monthly and having my sugars tested every 3 months, usually appointments are every 6 months. I wanted to be told 'get your sugars to xyz and get your weight to xyz' but this information was not given to me, it seemed vague and I convinced myself I would never be good enough. I was working towards an unknown goal and I felt helpless. In hindsight I think I just had to show I was attending appointments and had made some improvement but it was hard working with no stated goal.
And so- after a long year of waiting and working towards and unknown goal with regards to my health and grieving and moving forward as a family we were given the green light- my progress was good and we were finally allowed to commence stage two.
Finally, we were back on the road to parenthood!
We kept in contact with the adoption agency and went on a training evening for becoming helpers. I helped out first at a craft and pamper day, crafts for the kids and pampering for the parents. I prepared cutting up plastic bags for weaving and tissue paper for 'stained glass' and awaited the unknown!
It was a very tiring but great day- happy kids getting involved and playing, experiencing new things and taking home proudly made bits and bobs- giving me some ideas of what to do with my own kids one day. It was great to see how well the children interacted- if you looked carefully, however, you could see the issues and insecurities, but only if you looked hard. I was also encouraged that I wasn't 'old'. We are told by the medical profession, especially with views on parenting that you are over the hill at 40 and yet here were many happy parents with their adoptive kids, clearly over 40. This really made me happy- not the washed up people that the medical profession would have us pigeon holed as! With all the good came the pang that I still might not ever get started again- we were in the hands of the medical adviser, without their approval we would not be able to re-start the process. All of these children with their mummies were a little stab in my heart. Very much a bitter sweet day.
The next event was a day out at a farm. I elected to help out two mentally and physically disabled children- as I never had spent time with children with these issues and also one child relied on sign language as they didn't have verbal communication and I know sign language (though very rusty!). This was an experience that taught me a lot- mainly that the severity of both of these children would be too much for us as a couple to cope with. I have every ounce of admiration for their mother but this was not for me. I had to see this and experience this for myself to truly know. I had a lovely day talking with their mum and the social workers and I enjoyed helping the children to experience play and fun with the animals. Karl spent time with another pair, an adorable little boy with a willful nature who certainly kept him on his toes!
Again, what we noticed is apart from any obvious issues of disability, all of these children were no different to any other child in the playground but it was clear to the finely tuned eye what their individual needs might have been.
Our social worker had hoped to re-start us in August but this was not approved and the medical adviser insisted that we waited the full year, which would make it November. We met to finalise stage one and get all the paperwork finished. I got quite frustrated at one point as I had no hard and fast goal to get to with regards to my diabetes. Our social worker assured me it would be fine and I obtained an updated record of my progress. I had been meeting my nurse monthly and having my sugars tested every 3 months, usually appointments are every 6 months. I wanted to be told 'get your sugars to xyz and get your weight to xyz' but this information was not given to me, it seemed vague and I convinced myself I would never be good enough. I was working towards an unknown goal and I felt helpless. In hindsight I think I just had to show I was attending appointments and had made some improvement but it was hard working with no stated goal.
And so- after a long year of waiting and working towards and unknown goal with regards to my health and grieving and moving forward as a family we were given the green light- my progress was good and we were finally allowed to commence stage two.
Finally, we were back on the road to parenthood!
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