So...what exactly IS the process for adoption?
Let's face it most people will have never thought about it and most people will never have need to think about it- they have either chosen, for whatever reason to be child free or they have their own children and have been blessed, however easy or hard that blessing was to come by- or they haven't yet tested mother nature to see what she is made of- it is fair to say, most people have never looked into the process of adoption.
So- what does it entail?
I have spoken a little about the process so far but I thought it might be useful to spell it out. This is my experience of it-as it is a standardised procedure it should be similar everywhere with slight changes to the order of things.
1) Initial contact- this will be emails or phone calls usually. There may be a few of these before you are invited in to see the adoption charity or local authority (depending on who you choose to go with).
2) Face to face contact. This may be an open day/ evening where you will meet social workers and adopters in a friendly, non committal manner. You may not attend an open day (though it is likely you will be encouraged to go to one so you don't fall headlong into thinking you want to adopt without any information about it) and you may go straight to a more formal initial meeting.
3) At this meeting you will talk about yourself, how you got to this point to consider adoption, what you are looking for, what you are expecting, and basic details about your job and lifestyle. A decision may be made at this point if the adoption provider wants to continue with you as prospective adopters.
4) STAGE ONE this is an information gathering stage. You will be asked to complete information about your support network, questions about your expectations of a child, scenarios put to you, ideas about how you live, where you live and what you can provide/ For us this was a workbook that we discussed with our social worker.
You will also provide 4 referees. These generally would be those who know both of you (if you area couple). They should know you from different areas of your life. Usually they will expect two family members (one from each side of the family if you are a couple) and two friends or colleagues- ideally friends as they know you best. You need to choose friends wisely and think about how well they know you and what skills they can help you with when you (hopefully) become a family. This is a difficult decision to make as you may have a lot of friends you would want to ask.
Your referees will fill out a form about you and will be asked to provide examples of how you coped in certain situations. You will never see these references.
You will go through your finances and have to fill out a detailed report of your expenditures, including any debts. You will have to project you future expenditure based on potential leave from work and adoption leave (this may well be harder than you think as some workplaces have never had anyone take adoption leave).
TOP TIP: you are entitled to the same as Maternity/ paternity AND you can share leave now. You are also entitled to paid time off work prior to adoption- how you use this is up to you. You are also entitled to some paid days off work before placement.
You will also have a home safety check. Your social worker will complete a check and note down what you need to do to secure your home for a child. This include, fireguards, all bookcases attached to the wall, cupboard locks, fridge and cooker locks, fire alarms (technically one in each room you sleep in as well as upstairs and downstairs), fire blanket and fire extinguishers and escape plans.
Let me make it clear- you do not need a showroom, you do not need to hide all your possessions, you do not need to decorate- they are not looking for perfection, they are looking for a welcoming and happy home. The only thing you must have is a bath so if you have a shower room only you may need to renovate (we had to) or only consider an older child. Bath time is a great bonding time.
If you have pets there will be a pet assessment, their ages, their habits, how they are with others, where they go to the toilet. If it is dogs there may be questions about them that are around taking food from them and they will be expected to sleep downstairs.
You will also be asked to attend around 3 training days- for us one had to be in stage one and two could be in stage two but ti was advised to do it in stage one and all together if possible. Two days generally are weekdays so you may be taking unpaid days or holidays to cover this depending on your work agreement.
You will also undergo full medicals (which you have to pay for- approximately £75 each). These must come back clear to proceed.
This stage will take around 2-3 months. You are generally allowed to take more time at this stage if you would like to in order to prepare either yourselves or your house.
5) STAGE TWO
This is intense! You need to be mentally strong to go through this!
This process is around 3 months.
You will meet your social worker in your home. These meetings may be weekly or every other week depending on your progress and potential panel date. A date may be given at the start of this process so you have a goal to work towards.
You may meet on your own, without your partner- we had a separate meeting each, talking about our childhood, parenting that we received and our past, including education, jobs and different turns your life takes. This is not to trip you up, this is to allow you speak openly and not let one person talk more than the other.
There will be up to 8 (or more if needed) meetings with your social worker. You will go through expectations, scenarios about they type of children you can and can't cope with, parenting styles etc. Generally this is to really get to know you. It is very intense, each meeting may be 2-3 hours long. this shouldn't feel invasive but it may uncover past hurts and angers or upsetting incidents but largely ti is about preparing you for a new future, Your social worker needs to know you very well in order to help match you with a child later.
We never felt this process intrusive. It was friendly and funny at times and always comfortable. All the same, it is very intense. Some of the finer details may leave you exasperated (all the places you have ever lived and worked and been educated- believe me, this is a tall order and will have you hitting google for details).
All of your referees will be visited and asked questions about you- the visits may be over an hour. You will never see this report but of course your referees may share how it went with you informally!
At the end of this process your social worker will need to write it all up- this is a long task for them. This will take around 3 weeks, maybe longer. You will receive your report to check through and make changes. This needs to be with the panel ahead of time.
6) GOING TO PANEL
There is not a lot you can do now- the panel all have your PAR- Prospective Adopters Report and will have looked at it before panel. There may be a lot of people there. You will have representatives of the adoption providers, outside professionals, a medical adviser, adopters and observers. Your social worker is not part of the decision making process on the panel.
They will call your social worker in first to ask questions about you and your suitability. You will then be called in. You are not in there very long. The panel will have some questions for you, looking at the children you are looking for, your home and finance situation, your adoption leave and any other questions they may have. You are then sent out to wait for the decision.
This wait will feel far longer than it actually is- this is an awful awful moment. You social worker will be with you to distract you and help you focus on the positive moments. You then are either called back in or the chairperson may come out to you. You are given a verbal decision that needs to be ratified by a 'head honcho'. This decision may take a few weeks to be given. If you are given a unanimous 'yes' (we were) you should feel confident that the final decision will be positive. That letter, when it finally arrives, is a very pleasing moment- a huge relief.
7) STAGE THREE- MATCHING
The ease of this process will depend on the 'trend'. It goes in peaks and troughs. At times more children are placed into care and courts agree adoption is the way forward, sometimes less children go through this process. Every effort is made to keep children with birth parents and when intervention fails or the case is too severe, Foster care happens.
This process will be part of my blog in the upcoming future, tell our story and our search- the highs and the lows (with no actual details of children, of course!). Some wait over 2 years, some a lot, lot less. There is no time limit on this stage, it is completely unknown. Some get almost to placement and it all falls through- it is its own roller-coaster that has no end in sight!
TYPES OF ADOPTION
There aren't babies around. A baby under 1 is rarely put up for full adoption. You can elect to go for a foster to adoption scheme. This means you will take a baby but there is a chance that the baby will go back to birth parents or remain in foster care (which may not be you). If you are lucky it will turn into adoption but there is no guarantee.
Children up for adoption usually have a placement order in place, meaning they are cleared to be considered for adoption. This means if you bring a child home, they are likely to stay- however, you will still need to go to court (possibly around a year) to get an adoption order- as well as potential legal complications and appeals, this is to make sure you are all happy with the adoption. Until this happens, both you and the child's local authority are responsible for them and you will continue to receive visits from their social worker and yours.
So all in all, till the child is legally yours, the process from start to finish could take between a year and 3 years.
So- what does it entail?
I have spoken a little about the process so far but I thought it might be useful to spell it out. This is my experience of it-as it is a standardised procedure it should be similar everywhere with slight changes to the order of things.
1) Initial contact- this will be emails or phone calls usually. There may be a few of these before you are invited in to see the adoption charity or local authority (depending on who you choose to go with).
2) Face to face contact. This may be an open day/ evening where you will meet social workers and adopters in a friendly, non committal manner. You may not attend an open day (though it is likely you will be encouraged to go to one so you don't fall headlong into thinking you want to adopt without any information about it) and you may go straight to a more formal initial meeting.
3) At this meeting you will talk about yourself, how you got to this point to consider adoption, what you are looking for, what you are expecting, and basic details about your job and lifestyle. A decision may be made at this point if the adoption provider wants to continue with you as prospective adopters.
4) STAGE ONE this is an information gathering stage. You will be asked to complete information about your support network, questions about your expectations of a child, scenarios put to you, ideas about how you live, where you live and what you can provide/ For us this was a workbook that we discussed with our social worker.
You will also provide 4 referees. These generally would be those who know both of you (if you area couple). They should know you from different areas of your life. Usually they will expect two family members (one from each side of the family if you are a couple) and two friends or colleagues- ideally friends as they know you best. You need to choose friends wisely and think about how well they know you and what skills they can help you with when you (hopefully) become a family. This is a difficult decision to make as you may have a lot of friends you would want to ask.
Your referees will fill out a form about you and will be asked to provide examples of how you coped in certain situations. You will never see these references.
You will go through your finances and have to fill out a detailed report of your expenditures, including any debts. You will have to project you future expenditure based on potential leave from work and adoption leave (this may well be harder than you think as some workplaces have never had anyone take adoption leave).
TOP TIP: you are entitled to the same as Maternity/ paternity AND you can share leave now. You are also entitled to paid time off work prior to adoption- how you use this is up to you. You are also entitled to some paid days off work before placement.
You will also have a home safety check. Your social worker will complete a check and note down what you need to do to secure your home for a child. This include, fireguards, all bookcases attached to the wall, cupboard locks, fridge and cooker locks, fire alarms (technically one in each room you sleep in as well as upstairs and downstairs), fire blanket and fire extinguishers and escape plans.
Let me make it clear- you do not need a showroom, you do not need to hide all your possessions, you do not need to decorate- they are not looking for perfection, they are looking for a welcoming and happy home. The only thing you must have is a bath so if you have a shower room only you may need to renovate (we had to) or only consider an older child. Bath time is a great bonding time.
If you have pets there will be a pet assessment, their ages, their habits, how they are with others, where they go to the toilet. If it is dogs there may be questions about them that are around taking food from them and they will be expected to sleep downstairs.
You will also be asked to attend around 3 training days- for us one had to be in stage one and two could be in stage two but ti was advised to do it in stage one and all together if possible. Two days generally are weekdays so you may be taking unpaid days or holidays to cover this depending on your work agreement.
You will also undergo full medicals (which you have to pay for- approximately £75 each). These must come back clear to proceed.
This stage will take around 2-3 months. You are generally allowed to take more time at this stage if you would like to in order to prepare either yourselves or your house.
5) STAGE TWO
This is intense! You need to be mentally strong to go through this!
This process is around 3 months.
You will meet your social worker in your home. These meetings may be weekly or every other week depending on your progress and potential panel date. A date may be given at the start of this process so you have a goal to work towards.
You may meet on your own, without your partner- we had a separate meeting each, talking about our childhood, parenting that we received and our past, including education, jobs and different turns your life takes. This is not to trip you up, this is to allow you speak openly and not let one person talk more than the other.
There will be up to 8 (or more if needed) meetings with your social worker. You will go through expectations, scenarios about they type of children you can and can't cope with, parenting styles etc. Generally this is to really get to know you. It is very intense, each meeting may be 2-3 hours long. this shouldn't feel invasive but it may uncover past hurts and angers or upsetting incidents but largely ti is about preparing you for a new future, Your social worker needs to know you very well in order to help match you with a child later.
We never felt this process intrusive. It was friendly and funny at times and always comfortable. All the same, it is very intense. Some of the finer details may leave you exasperated (all the places you have ever lived and worked and been educated- believe me, this is a tall order and will have you hitting google for details).
All of your referees will be visited and asked questions about you- the visits may be over an hour. You will never see this report but of course your referees may share how it went with you informally!
At the end of this process your social worker will need to write it all up- this is a long task for them. This will take around 3 weeks, maybe longer. You will receive your report to check through and make changes. This needs to be with the panel ahead of time.
6) GOING TO PANEL
There is not a lot you can do now- the panel all have your PAR- Prospective Adopters Report and will have looked at it before panel. There may be a lot of people there. You will have representatives of the adoption providers, outside professionals, a medical adviser, adopters and observers. Your social worker is not part of the decision making process on the panel.
They will call your social worker in first to ask questions about you and your suitability. You will then be called in. You are not in there very long. The panel will have some questions for you, looking at the children you are looking for, your home and finance situation, your adoption leave and any other questions they may have. You are then sent out to wait for the decision.
This wait will feel far longer than it actually is- this is an awful awful moment. You social worker will be with you to distract you and help you focus on the positive moments. You then are either called back in or the chairperson may come out to you. You are given a verbal decision that needs to be ratified by a 'head honcho'. This decision may take a few weeks to be given. If you are given a unanimous 'yes' (we were) you should feel confident that the final decision will be positive. That letter, when it finally arrives, is a very pleasing moment- a huge relief.
7) STAGE THREE- MATCHING
The ease of this process will depend on the 'trend'. It goes in peaks and troughs. At times more children are placed into care and courts agree adoption is the way forward, sometimes less children go through this process. Every effort is made to keep children with birth parents and when intervention fails or the case is too severe, Foster care happens.
This process will be part of my blog in the upcoming future, tell our story and our search- the highs and the lows (with no actual details of children, of course!). Some wait over 2 years, some a lot, lot less. There is no time limit on this stage, it is completely unknown. Some get almost to placement and it all falls through- it is its own roller-coaster that has no end in sight!
TYPES OF ADOPTION
There aren't babies around. A baby under 1 is rarely put up for full adoption. You can elect to go for a foster to adoption scheme. This means you will take a baby but there is a chance that the baby will go back to birth parents or remain in foster care (which may not be you). If you are lucky it will turn into adoption but there is no guarantee.
Children up for adoption usually have a placement order in place, meaning they are cleared to be considered for adoption. This means if you bring a child home, they are likely to stay- however, you will still need to go to court (possibly around a year) to get an adoption order- as well as potential legal complications and appeals, this is to make sure you are all happy with the adoption. Until this happens, both you and the child's local authority are responsible for them and you will continue to receive visits from their social worker and yours.
So all in all, till the child is legally yours, the process from start to finish could take between a year and 3 years.
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