The Modern Adoptive Mummy

As said, our introductions were delayed by a few days, so instead of Thursday, they were the following Monday. Four days doesn't seem a lot in the grand scheme of things but after such a long wait those four days seemed liked added torture. We went for our planning meeting as scheduled- only instead of meeting them, we received the adoption placement certificate- which made it really feel official- a piece of paper with a date for placement, certifying us to take these children home. After this meeting, we went home. We decided to treat ourselves to a blow up home spa that week and thankfully the weather was beautiful on the Sunday so we had a  lovely relaxing day in the spa and one evening bubbles and chill time too. We knew we had to deflated it and put it away for the season but it will come out again late spring and by then hopefully the boys will enjoy being in water. On Monday we made our way to the foster carer's home. I felt sick, I think we both did. We stopped off...

The matching panel is made up of lots of professionals who don't know you and have nothing to do with the case. It is impartial in that sense and therefore quite impersonal. They have had all our details and the boys details for at least a week to read through before the panel date. We managed to get a little lost on the way to the unfamiliar town- we managed to walk around the impressive old building with fairly unimpressive doorway into the civic centre and not the council building. We also had hold ups on the road meaning we were spot on time rather than early like we had planned. We arrived and walked into the fairly decadent building to be used up towards a less than impressive waiting room, soulless, bare and to be fair somewhat grubby. the coffee laid on was on the rough side and to be fair I had some more to have something to do. It is supposed to pretty much be a done deal- no one would waste time and effort on people or a person they didn't think to be a good ma...

When you have panel  dates, introduction dates and move in dates things start to get very scary. We have known the potential start date for introductions to start since the Appreciation Day and last week this moved to an earlier date, 4 days earlier. this is incredibly exciting but took a weekend away from final preparations. I know how we work though, we cannot really get things done until we are at the wire, a knifes edge, the edge of the cliff- only at this point can we get things done. I certainly was always the last moment essay writer at university and life has never really changed in that respect! What do we have left to do? not a lot really- a little more de-cluttering and sorting clothes out (ours) and  giving the house a last scrub to make it as clean as possible. We do have some serious de-clothing to do in order to make some space but other than that it is no big deal to get the house into shape. It is odd, that as I type I can see a framed picture of Holmes ...

The BUMP meeting: despite the foster carers not being sure of what this day was and it being the first time the particular local authority had agreed such a thing- the day did actually go ahead. I was convinced the day wouldn't happen. We weren't allowed the phone number of the foster carers- I sort of understand this but at the same time it made any last moment changes and notifications impossible- we could turn up and the foster carers not turn up for one reason and another. We had the number of their family worker as a go between (though as it turned out he was off ill and never acknowledged our test as he wasn't in work). My excitement about this day was somewhat marred by the fear that we would not actually get to see them and we would spend a lonely hour bumbling about a playground waiting for them to never show! By the time we got there I felt very sick with nerves. We were there about 40 minutes early and the weather remained ominous- inside I was desperately hopi...

It is a funny title isn't it...I mean, how can you appreciate a child or children that you don't know? An odd concept to appreciate them for what and who they are without ever seeing them! I guess the term is used as we are invited to appreciate the wider picture around them and the journey they have already had. This day had already been cancelled once and even on the way in the car I was semi convinced it would be cancelled- much like many steps so far I am constantly waiting for things to go wrong-I can't quite believe it things are moving forward (maybe because it is taking so long?). We arrived at the office in an hour with about 20 minutes to spare. We signed in and waited (still expecting to be told it was cancelled!). So what is this meeting? Professionals involved in the children's and mother's life arrive to talk about their experiences and impart information. Some people couldn't make it to the meeting, such as Watson's nursery key worker, the...

I mentioned many, many posts back how being childless haunted me almost nightly to the point of often not getting to sleep without reprimanding my useless body and blaming myself. Now that hour has been replaced by several other fears. My biggest fear: That suddenly the birth parent will launch an appeal and that despite all evidence against them as a parent, the courts decide to grant the appeal- and this happens during matching on the way to panel or after placement. It can happen- they can be taken away/ the adoption can stop or be delayed. A family member can come out of the woodwork, an absent father, an aunt, anyone related...they can suddenly ask to take on the child/ children and this can mean a huge hold up in proceedings whilst they are assessed and it can mean that they are removed from your care if the courts find them worthy. This is a pain I live in fear of happening. It isn't the norm within  the adoption process but it can happen. The children are never yours an...

It seems we have come almost full circle. when we were with no hope of children, we filled our lives with things- I have mentioned the shopping and filling our lives with purchases that, to be honest, were not really needed...well we are back on the shopping again! This time, not for us- well it is as it makes us happy- but technically everything is for Holmes and Watson! The day we got the call to say they were moving forward with us (after the home visit) we both felt the impulsive need to celebrate and do something wildly decadent and forbidden...so we went to Toys R us and bought things! I know, disgustingly decadent and impulsive- we should be ashamed of the new addiction! We came home with some bath toys and a car race track (which Spike was obsessed with!). It felt  good! A seal had broken to an uncharted world and despite telling ourselves to stop- we couldn't! Shopping became a way to deal with the awful waiting- and I can tell you this drawn out process is draining-...